AS WRITERS, WE GET called on to do all manners of wild things. Some years ago, this included giving the cum laude gradation speed at my daughter’s single-sex school. It seemed like a great challenge, so I used the occasion to learn how to write a memoir in a graduation speech. Short, and to the point, a good graduation speech should deliver a message that comes from experience but does not focus on you. Huh, I remember thinking, that’s a great way to hone my skills. My daughter, of course, was skeptical. After all, I am no one’s idea of a traditional role model. I teach how to write memoir. But I’ve been able to chart my life to do what I love, so my speech turned out to be a list of rules to help the girls do just that. Try it as a form and see what you unearth about yourself without putting yourself first.
15 Rules for Girls to Live By
1. Never be without at least one pair of red shoes. There are few situations in life that cannot be improved by them.
2. Don’t read the Cliff Notes. Read the book. Much like life, it’s not what happened, but how it happened—how the insecurities of one person, the passions, the human inability to choose well, the human ability to choose brilliantly—result in the events in the story.
3. Wear lipstick. It feels great, and it’s fun, and all too often we depend on other people to make us feel good and show us a good time. Get yourself some lipstick, and every time you apply it, remember that this is one of your rules of life: to show yourself a good time, in your shade, on your terms.
4. If more than three people are rushing off to do something and it’s not an organized sport, stop, take a minute, and decide for yourself: Do you really want to do anything with this pack of people?
5. Choosing a college or a major field of study because somebody who likes you and is cute chooses that college or field of study makes about as much sense as eating raw, poisonous sea urchins: I know it’s done in some parts of the world, but I can’t imagine why.
6. If you fear it, try it. And we don’t mean merely piercing. Try out for the play, speak truth to someone in power, get help for a problem, say no to someone who wants to do something with your body that you’re not sure you want to do.
7. An old expression says you can never be too rich or too thin. Yes you can. Of course you can be too thin. Too rich? We all are, every day that a child anywhere on earth goes hungry.
8. It is not possible to be too funny. Don’t envy others’ abilities to make people laugh. Work on your own funny voice. You have one.
9. If your college has a program abroad, go. We’ll get over it, and soon we’ll be bragging about how brave you were to go to Nairobi.
10. If it seems like a bad idea, it is.
11. There is no such thing as a good reason to drop out of college.
12. Be loyal. To your friends, to your family and absolutely, to the schools who teach you. It’s easy to pretend that your school doesn’t mean a great deal to you. Anybody can do that. But it’s an interesting woman who graciously credits others for the time spent educating her.
13. Unlucky? Nope. Here’s all you need to know about luck. You make your own luck. That’s a quote from Napoleon who knew a thing or two about seizing the day.
14. A quote from perhaps a wiser man, certainly a man whose advice I try to follow, “Never, never, never quit.” Said by Winston Churchill.
15. Here’s the secret to self-esteem: It begins and ends in how you are spoken to. And the fundamental voice you need to listen to is your own. Speak to yourself the way you would speak to your best friend.
Fifteen rules. When in doubt of what to do, try this litmus test:
Is this the Cliff Notes, or the real thing? If I simply took the time to go back to my dorm room and got my lipstick, would doing what this person wants me to do still seem like a good idea when I got back? Do I truly want to be a pottery major? Does this group have my best interests at heart, or do they want me with them because I’m special and I make them seem more special? Am I afraid of doing that, and why? Will I be proud of myself if I do it anyway? What would I say to someone else right now if I wanted her to succeed? What would a snappy pair of red shoes do right now to my attitude? And what that I know to be absolutely true about how to succeed, can I add to this list?
Want to learn how to write a memoir in any form? Come study with me. Classes begin all the time.
- Memoirama: The everything-you-need-to-get-started-writing-memoir class. Live, online memoir class with Q&A. 90 minutes. This is the class to get you started writing what you know.
- Memoirama 2: Book structure. Period. No one is born knowing how to structure a book and no book can exist without structure. Book structure was taught to me by four of the best editors in NY publishing for my four published books. This course gets your structure up and supporting your story. Two hours. Live. You and six other writers.
- How to Write Op-eds, Radio Essays and Digital Commentary: Live. Ninety minutes. Co-taught with a former Pulitzer Prize juror, newspaper editor, weekly newspaper columnist and host of a nationally syndicated public radio show. How to write memoir in the form of commentary. Get your voice our into the world.
- The Master Class: How to write memoir at book length. Seven writers. Six months. Once a month. All live. Get your first draft written.
And don’t forget to listen to my podcast. It’s called QWERTY, and it’s by, for and about writers.
BarbaraMcDowellWhitt (@BarbaraMcDWhitt) says
Your humor, courage and spunk were all in play when you gave that speech. You joined an elite club along with Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama, among others, when you delivered your commencement speech.