Writing Memoir? Don’t Try This At Home

MY FATHER USED TO SAY that you should write everything like a letter home. In a letter home you rarely tell those people who raised you how very great you are, or right you are, or unique. You tend to write about the ideas you are trying on, or the things you’ve tried and failed; how scared you are, or how lonely. You are the small dog when you write a letter home, telling them how you’ve changed or what you’ve witnessed, and while you might wish they were here, they’re not, so get your facts right and put the bold, brash bragging aside, because these guys knew you when, and they can still kick your emotional ass if you get out of line. And they are not alone.

Readers, too, can kick your emotional ass, though they do so by not buying your books, not listening all the way through to your radio piece, and never again clicking on your blog.

While pretending you are writing a letter home is a good way to go, any actual employment of your family in editing your work is nothing but trouble. Reading your work to someone who depends on you for food, shelter, or sex can garner only one response: “Nice,” or worse, worst of all, “Neat!”

You get a “nice” or a “neat,” and you’re toast. Either throw the piece away or go to a class where—along with negative gratuitous commentary—the words “nice” and “neat” are also banned. And while I don’t know them personally, I do know that your homepeople just don’t have the qualifications to do this work, nor do they want them. Their kind countenance will only string you along.

But “nice” and “neat” from someone who loves you are at least encouraging. You might get the dreaded “I don’t get it” from someone who stood up and promised before God, friends, and the State of New York to honor you until the end of time.

Now what are you going to do? Explain the piece to them? It’s like begging someone to love you. It has never worked.

You need someone who is invested in your success. This can be found in a good writing group or class, where you might also meet someone whose hard work and strong critiquing skills fit your needs—and yours, his or hers—meaning you can work together forever. Many of my students have continued on in pairs for years. It’s a wonderful thing.