How To Write Memoir: Be Your Own Cavalry

YOU ARE YOUR OWN CAVALRY. That’s the truth. As writers, we must come to our own rescue and show up with the goods. Another way I phrase this is by referring to myself “as a factory of one.” And I am. And so are you, if you are a writer. In fact, just last night, listening to yet another free webinar about social media, scribbling away when I would have preferred to be watching something – anything – on demand on TV, I was chanting to myself my little mantra about being a factory of one. And it kept me scribbling, learning and gathering solutions to my writing issues. We are on our own here, folks, spending hours on end with our own imaginations, thoughts and research. And that’s not the worst company in the world, particularly if you want tot learn how to write memoir. 

When I say you must be your own cavalry, I mean several things. For instance, you need to learn to look for creative inspiration everywhere. It’s there in every bough and subway ride; at every family dinner and in every transaction with another human being, something changes hands. What is it? Information about who we are and how we live. Taking note of how someone tucks her hair behind her ear when she is embarrassed or looks away as she lies is what you do, so that alter, at the desk, you can come to your own rescue with a spot-on gesture to go with that quote, or with a on-the-mark glance away to accompany that lie.

I see creative inspiration in sentences about foreign policy, in the way my vet describes my dog, in how the gestures reveal themselves through generations. Why? Because I am a writer, which means that I can take creative prompts from pretty much anywhere.

And you can, too.

Some years ago, I saw my what remains my least favorite indie movie in a long history of indie movies. It was one of those rare nights out with a friend. We are writers. We both have daughters, we were both exhausted by life, and we both realized that we had not been out with a friend in way too long. (Note to this friend: I literally have not had another night like this since. Has is been 12 years? Please call). Anyway, about 30 minutes into the film we started to kibitz, and then in another ten or fifteen minutes, openly ridicule what we were watching, talking back to the screen. And yet, I was recently reading a speech by the filmmaker and marveling at what that curious film apparently means to him and his career, where he is now, and what he has to say.

His name is Mark Duplass, and you’ve seen his movies. He’s a big deal. But this little messy thing I saw with my pal, well, it wasn’t very good, if you ask me. But no matter. On he moved, up he went and what he said about how you do that is this: ““If you can accept that the cavalry won’t come, and if you can be the cavalry, it gives you a chance to be happy.”

Huh. I get it. There is no cavalry coming. You are it. I am it. And I kind of like that, here in my office, surrounded by my reference books and odd house plants. I kind of like that as I take my cues from the world around me and learn more every day about how to write memoir.

I am the cavalry. And so I will take all the late night free webinars I can find, will type on, writing memoir, all the time absorbing the inspiration I can find everywhere.

(ALERT: IF you are offended by the f-word, don’t read the Mark Duplass keynote address. If you read it anyway and are offended, don’t email me complaining about his language. Instead, try this: Just read the keynote, take some inspiration from it and write on).