Writing Memoir vs. Writing “My Memoirs.” Which is it and Why?
WRITING MEMOIR IS NOT the same as writing “my memoirs,” at least not if you are working with this memoir coach and writing teacher or, apparently, if you are being taught by Albert Flynn DeSilver. It’s lovely to agree with him since I admire his work enormously. Author of the fine memoir, Beamish Boy, he has just published Writing as a Path to Awakening, A Year to Becoming an Excellent Writer and Living an Awakened Life. We have been corresponding, and as part of my continuing series on book structure, I invited him to tell you what he knows about this essential topic.
Writing Memoirs vs. Writing “My Memoirs:” On the Importance of Structure
by Albert Flynn DeSilver
Dear Writer,
One of my favorite memoirs of the last ten or fifteen years is Robin Romm’s The Mercy Papers: A Memoir of Three Weeks. What? A memoir that only covers three weeks of a life? And is less than 200 pages? How is that even possible?
When I first set off to write my own memoir, (Beamish Boy, The Owl Press, 2012) I was convinced that I was setting off to tell the story of my life to date; I was born on this date and then I grew up here, and these are my parents, and then this pretty dramatic thing happened that shaped me, oh, and then this one, and then this other happened, and now here we are all caught up to the present time, and I’m okay now, things are resolved and figured out for me—hah!
That would be writing my memoirs, which is the practice of chronicling your life one event at a time in orderly sequence, not the literary genre of memoir. This is an important distinction, because what separates the two practices, is structure.
When writing your memoirs you can pretty much just cruise along telling the reader what happened. But when writing a memoir, you want to engage the reader in deeper elements of dramatic structure. In this way you don’t have to rely exclusively on super-dramatic events (and what if you didn’t experience a ton of those? What if you didn’t grow up with distant alcoholic parents who left you in the care of a violent and abusive governess, and so went on to start drinking at age twelve, by nineteen become a devout binge drinker winding up first driven over by your best friend after passing out drunk in a driveway then, a year later, handcuffed to a hospital bed under arrest with no idea how you got there, only to sober up enough to venture to Africa where you contract malaria, dysentery, and the clutches of a prostitute during the height of the AIDS crisis, only to survive, move to California and wind up in a psychedelic therapy cult?). What you do have to do is learn the elements of story structure in novels, scripts, and plays that pull readers in to your particular narrative. Let me just mention a few.
Time. What is the time frame for your story? Robin Romm in the Mercy Papers uses the time frame of the last three weeks of her mother’s life, and how that inspired her to reflect deeply on their relationship. Yes, she goes back in time and explores the past, but most of the action is happening during these three weeks. It brings the emotions forward and makes for a very compelling read. The book was born out of a journal she kept during this time and keeps some of those elements alive in the writing. When thinking about time, think about those pivot points, those dramatic experiences that irrevocably changed you and set you on a new path with new knowledge, and insight about your self and the world.
Character and Cast List. Who is going to populate your story and why? Make sure these characters are there for a reason, shaping your evolution as the protagonist on a journey of transformation. Who are your antagonist(s)? Your allys? Your Jester/Tricksters, Spiritual Guides?
Place/Setting. Where does this story take place and why? How is landscape a character? How does this place shape your evolution or create themes of transformation?
Inciting Incident/Strong Beginnings. How are you going to get your readers into the story? Is there a dramatic/emotional incident that can launch us into the narrative?
Rising Action/Mystery.You are on the journey of no return, running into roadblocks, being thwarted and turned back, suffering loss and despair, but you press on. Don’t tell us everything right at the get-go. Leave us hanging, keep us turning pages. Lead us down dark corridors of drama and emotionality, where you as the protagonist are spiraling into a funnel of major consequence with seemingly no way out.
Conflict/Climax.There should be a highpoint where the stakes are high, the gauntlet has dropped and everything changes for you. You survive the journey and act differently in the world with new understanding new insight. You carry the golden chalice through the kingdom to enlightening others. You are the heroine of your story.
Resolution/Redemption. How are you going to end this story of transformation? What have you learned? Has their been an insight, a reconciliation? Explore the change in you, the heroine. How do you integrate these experiences to date and move on to the next adventure in your life?
Congratulations. Bravo. To be continued.
In closing, begin by thinking about your story like a great novel or play. Consider classic three-act structure. Consider the “Hero/Heroine’s Journey” in terms of Mythic Structure as explored by Joseph Campbell, and beautifully articulated for writers in The Writer’s Journey by Christopher Vogler.
Read Robin Romm’s The Mercy Papers and reflect on not only how to use time, but the particularities and intimate sensory details of your own life to drive an emotional story that captivates readers! But most importantly, enjoy the journey, the practice and process!
Author bio:
Albert Flynn DeSilver is an American poet, memoirist, novelist, speaker, and workshop leader. He received a BFA in photography from the University of Colorado in 1991 and an MFA in New Genres from the San Francisco Art Institute in 1995. His work has appeared in more than 100 literary journals worldwide including ZYZZYVA, New American Writing, Hanging Loose, Jubilat, Exquisite Corpse, Jacket (Australia), Poetry Kanto (Japan), Van Gogh’s Ear (France), and many others. He is the author of several books of poems and the memoir Beamish Boy, which Kirkus Reviews called “a beautifully written memoir. . .poignant and inspirational.” Albert taught as a California Poet in the Schools for more than a decade working with thousands of children throughout Northern California and beyond. He also served as Marin County, California’s very first Poet Laureate and has shared the stage with U. S. Poet Laureate Kay Ryan, bestselling authors Maxine Hong Kingston, Cheryl Strayed, Elizabeth Gilbert, legendary Beat Poet Michael McClure and many others. He is the founder of Writing as a Path To Spiritual Awakening, a workshop and retreat series, interactive book project, and online course experience.
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I hope you enjoy Writing Lessons. Featuring well-published writers of our favorite genre, each installment takes on one short topic addressing how to write memoir.
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I think what you said here is paramount: “What you do have to do is learn the elements of story structure in novels, scripts, and plays that pull readers in to your particular narrative.” Applying this perspective moves one from writing about “what happened” to turning “what happened” into art.
I also loved Robin Romm’s memoir and was fascinated by her use of time. Your post reminded me of the importance of setting, and how that can be a similar to a character, one that changes over the course of the book.
I found this post to be eye opening and extremely helpful. I write memoir and have attended many writing conferences but have not had it presented just this way.
I appreciated the neat summary of the elements of a memoir’s narrative structure. I’ve learned many of these points before, but not quite so succinctly.
This post helped me understand why I am drawn to reading certain memoirs–because there is a focus to them that promises to teach me something specific. (Most recently I re-read Jennifer Boylan’s “She’s Not There” and realized it was the experience of being inside someone who is trans that drew me to the book years ago.) In turn, this post helped me to realize the importance of defining the focus of my work-in-progress in the same way (and helped me see how to do that). It’s tempting to let one life story lead to another life story. But by keeping the reader in mind and understanding why s/he might have picked up your book, it helps me as a writer stay on track.
I love the delineating of the dramatic structure. I just attended a workshop on writing memoir at the wonderful Calvin College Festival of Faith and Writing. The topic of structure was discussed but this explanation above makes it so much clearer than the thoughts on structure we had time to explore. Thank you!
I know I need the story structure and rising action. Don’t know how to do it, though. Hope I can get help with that.
This wonderful post directly addressed what I’ve been struggling with and what holds me back. Thank you!
Conflict/Climax. That’s been a tough one for me! When you are thinking about an event, the whole thing seems cataclysmic, so pinpointing that one spot in a memoir still seems to elude me. I love that this underlines the fact that no matter what the theme of your memoir is, there are key points of similarity that all successful memoirs have.
I’ve been reading a library copy of Writing as a Path to Awakening and would be thrilled to get my own! AFD writes from the heart, gives practical advice in small bits, and has encouraged me to write more. Thank you.
How is landscape a character? Well, this caught me by surprise. I grew up in a funeral home and I am considering how much of my writing includes glimpses into that unusual “landscape”. Thank you for this great post. I would love to read the entire book.
Very interesting content, disappointing mechanics. Anyone writing memoir out there, make sure to get a good proofreader! ;)
I have been struggling mightily with structure. I appreciate how you laid it out story structure as a blueprint for a memoir. I look forward to reading your book. What a great title!
I am reminded that like all good stories there
must be mystery and conflict. Figure out the moments of awakening and weave the tapestry.
“Lead us down dark corridors of drama and emotionality, where you as the protagonist are spiraling into a funnel of major consequence with seemingly no way out.”
This feels like the starting point for me. I’m there, now, spinning headlong into the consequences of a painful family estrangement I never wanted; but another family member did want this, and thus chose it for the both of us.
Thank you.
This is a truly wonderful piece about the key elements of memoir — succinctly presented. All of it is extremely helpful, but I especially appreciated the point Mr. DeSilver makes about the characters in a memoir. He writes: “Make sure your characters are there for a reason, shaping your evolution as the protagonist on a journey of transformation.” He states this so clearly.
A memoir about a three-week long time period? I’ll have to read it and see if I can tighten my 4 month time span even shorter if it makes sense for the story. Thanks for reminding us that a very short time period can pack a punch as well.
The more I learn about writing just reminds me how much I have to learn and how little I know.
I love this: “Congratulations. Bravo. To be continued.”
It almost drips with sarcasm in my mind, like, sister, now that we covered this bit, roll up your sleeves ’cause the real work is just starting.
My hell has nothing on this guy.
Nice read.
Thanks for the post, Mar.
I’m inspired by Mr. DeSilver’s instructional post . I’m tempted to dust off my shelved manuscript, Dad on the Doorstep: A Daughter’s Journey Getting Her Father Off the Street and Into His Own Place (working title). I am encouraged to revisit and focus using the elements of story structure DeSilver lists here, as well as Marion’s Roach Smith’s “This is a story about_________, as illustrated by_________. ” Hoping the process will help me fill-in those blanks so I can get out from under this…procrastination? Paralysis?