HOW TO WRITE characterization in memoir? It’s an essential skill, and one you must master. Characterization informs us on who the people are in your story, what they are doing there and what impact they have on the tale. It could not be more important to get this right. How? I have a few writing tips on characterization in memoir right here for you.

If you knew us only for an instant, you might think us to be something that we’re not. That’s because I’m the loud sister. Always have been. And loud gets mistaken for tough, especially in women. But Margaret is the tough one, hand-down. Don’t believe me? Two years ago, during an ice storm, she sent me a generator. Delivered to the door.

That characterizes her. No mere basket of cheer for Margaret; when her sister was in trouble, that sister sent power tools. She’s tough, and never tougher than on gifts, though not only in the giving.

Perhaps the best example of good characterization in memoir about us is this example of her toughness. One Christmas, she was on the receiving end of a sweater I knit her. To date, I have never seen her wear it. And this is after I let her pick out the yarn, the color, and the pattern: wool, gray with no flecks of color, no cables, bobbles or anything to break up the boredom of the knitter. Made to spec, I have never once seen it on the woman.

The big sister screws in her jeweler’s eye and may or may not deign to actually wear the gift, but in accepting it, accepts the giver.

I’m the younger sister and true to pecking order, I not only find her response to the sweater hilarious, but when she’s around, I’m always either wearing or using at least one thing she’s given me. I also use the moisturizer she recommends, the shampoo she started me on, as well as the lip balm she does. Whenever I read those social-science pieces about birth order I always laugh, so clothed are they in clinical language while naked of the real-life illustrations that any sister can provide.

Here, from my side, is what the Christmas adult big-sister/little-sister relationship looks like: The older hands a wrapped box to the younger, the other nods enthusiastically, opening it, shucking her shirt beneath the Christmas tree, and putting the new one right on her body. Reversed, with the little sister as giver, the big sister screws in her jeweler’s eye and may or may not deign to actually wear the gift, but in accepting it, accepts the giver. And on they go. I’ve written about this she Said, she Said aspect of life before, in part as a result from the hundreds of questions I’ve fielded about what to do with those different versions of family tales.

These quirky roles can irk the hell out of husbands and boyfriends. Many a wife or lover has been asked the ridiculous holiday question by an onlooker of, “Why do you let her do that?” or heard, “But you don’t wear pajamas” in the aftermath.

Trust us on this: Sisters know best. Along with the candles, tinsel or bourbon balls, these are the prescribed roles that keep the holiday train moving forward. You want to get to that turkey and stuffing? Let us enact our ancient ritual. Question it, and we might just cook your Christmas goose.

Want more help? Join me in live, online memoir classes

Start here, with The Memoir Project System Page, to understand the breadth of all the classes we teach.

Want to jump right in? Here’s a sampling of our classes.

Memoirama: Live, 90 minutes. Everything you need to write what you know.

Memoirama 2. Live, two hours. Limited to seven writers. What you need to know to structure a book.

How to Write Opinion Pieces: Op-eds, Radio Essays and Digital Commentary: Live, 90 minutes. Get your voice out into the world.

And keep in mind that I am now taking names for the next  Master Class, the prerequisites for which are Memoirama and Memoirama 2. Live, once a month. Limited to six writers. Get a first draft of your memoir finished in six months.

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