WRITING SOMEONE ELSE’S STORY might, at first, appear to be a straightforward assignment. Unless, of course, that other person is your mother. Then, just what does the story become, as you learn family tales, secrets, and gain insights into the person who raised you? No doubt the process changes you. But what does it do to the story? Oh, how I love this topic, and to bring it to you, let me introduce you to Nancy Key Roeder, author of Going to the Well, A Mother-Daughter Journey, another book from the fine Plain View Press. Read on.
Writing A Memoir in Two Voices
By Nancy Key Roeder
Autobiography, biography, or memoir? I always knew that I would write my mother’s story but was never sure which approach to take. She and I had shared extensive conversations stretching over sixteen years, all recorded on cassette tapes. Here was oral history of growing up in rural America in the early 1900s. Here were family secrets revealed that I had never known. Here was a saga of traumas, tragedies, and ultimately, triumphs. It was a tale just begging to be written. But how best to do it? First person autobiography as told to me? Third person biography?
Her voice on the tapes often had cadence, simple language with the feel, at times, of poetry. Some segments were told so beautifully that they left me stunned. This was a voice that I had not known. I recalled from my growing years her curt words, correcting my faults and urging me to be perfect in all matters of life. Clearly, there were dimensions to my mother that had remained hidden behind her strict, authoritarian ways. Her account of her early life helped me to understand and to forgive. The smooth flow of her words washed over me, cleansing memories best forgotten. It was as if she had been longing to tell me – but we had never before let ourselves be open to one another. The only way, then, was to let her tell her own story, in her voice.
But wait. There was another element – my questions and comments, and the change we sensed over time of becoming much closer. In fact, the entire journey through these conversations led to some reconciliation of old mother-daughter wounds.
I listened again and again to those tapes, hearing her voice and mine, struggling with how best to communicate the dual layers of feeling that emerged. Finally, I realized that the only structure that made sense was to allow for two voices, casting the narrative as a “double memoir.” Although the primary point of view is hers, I could not discount the impact that our talks had made on me, so I added in material from my own perspective. Some came directly from my words on the tapes. Some came from my memories as she triggered flashbacks. The most challenging part to write involved my reflections on the unfolding story.
My mother died at age 103 in 2002. Born in 1899, she had a foot in three centuries. While that in itself is remarkable, I did not write about the societal changes she no doubt encountered, but rather an intensely personal story that could have taken place anytime, anywhere. I have to believe she would have been pleased with the result, which has the universal mark of the “heroine’s journey” – a classic quest tale. Selecting this method of doing a memoir is not for everyone. But in the end, doing my book this way, I believe, honored the integrity and truth of both voices and the satisfying outcome that we both experienced.
Going to the Well, an excerpt
(Author’s voice)
To begin our interview, we chose a warm September early afternoon. The morning coastal fog had lifted, transforming itself into wisps of clouds scudding across a cornflower blue sky. Mother arrived punctually as always. We hugged briefly and greeted each other warmly. We chatted about the lovely weather, as all strangers do…
I had prepared tea, and despite some initial awkwardness, we managed to exchange pleasantries…
My hand shook a bit as I poured the tea. The cup clattered on its saucer as I handed it to her. Shyly, I met her hazel eyes flecked with green. Behind them was that calm, mysterious look that I never had been able to fathom.
Realizing that we could use more light, I pulled the drapes and slid open a glass door so that we could enjoy the fresh air. Our home was built on a hillside so that looking west, beyond the deck, we caught a perfect view of the Pacific Ocean.
We sat staring at each other, with neither of us able to utter a word. The ocean was out there, miles away, yet seemed so near, so present. Gentle breezes carried in the scent of eucalyptus trees, caught the edges of the gauzy drapes, and lifted them into rolling billows, as if some über spirit had gathered up the ghosts of the past and blown them our way to conjure up our memories.
She nodded, and I turned on the tape recorder.
(Author’s mother’s voice)
We called it Twin Oaks Farm. That’s because of the two wonderful oak trees in our back yard. There weren’t any others like them around our property, but I have heard Mother say—I don’t know how she knew this—these two great oak trees were from the original forest that had been cleared off for farming. And there were apple trees galore! The previous owner had planted them so that each kind of apple would ripen throughout the growing season, starting in May, on through the summer into fall or early winter. We made pies and applesauce and apple butter gallons and gallons of it—which we cooked in a copper kettle over an open fire we built in the yard. There was apple cider in the fall, but it didn’t last too long. We made sure we drank it up before the hired men could get to it. They got really happy as it fermented, you see. On those crisp October evenings, Aunt Em would come over, and we’d all sit around eating raw apples while Frieda played the organ and we all sang hymns. I like to think that it was apples that got us through those hard winters. To this day, when the leaves begin to turn, I think of apples in our cellar and can still smell them and taste their tang.
Author’s bio
Nancy Key Roeder is a retired high school English teacher. She grew up in New Mexico, beginning her work career as a reporter and feature writer for The Albuquerque Tribune. Subsequently, she published numerous free-lance articles and essays in local and regional newspapers and nationally distributed magazines. She holds a B.A. in English from San Francisco State University and a Master of Social Science degree from the University of Colorado at Denver. Her book, Going to the Well: A Mother-Daughter Journey was published by Plain View Press in late 2011. A resident of Denver, Colorado, she is currently working on her second book, a reflection on father-daughter relationships. You can reach her at her website.
AND THE WINNER IS…
I hope you enjoy Writing Lessons. Featuring well-published writers of our favorite genre, each installment of the series will take on one short topic that addresses how to write memoir, and will include a great big book giveaway.
It’s my way of saying thanks for coming by.
The contest for this book is now closed. Please see the next installment of Writing Lessons.
The winner of the book is Patti M. Hall. Congratulations, Patti! I’ll be in touch to send your book.
Amy Chapman says
A friend directed me to this article, which is timely for me, since my current project is something I’ve been calling my “not-really-a-memoir,” the story of a year in my mother’s life, told in her voice. The project is complicated by the fact that the year about which I’m writing is the year before my birth, and also because my mom has been gone for nearly ten years, and we never actually sat down and talked specifically about that year. Most of the information I’ve gathered is from offhand comments my mom made over the years, and from conversations with my four much-older siblings. Up to now, I’d been thinking that only the introduction and afterword will be in my own voice, with the rest in my mother’s voice. Now I’m wondering if it might be more effective to intersperse passages in my voice throughout the book.
marion says
Hi, Amy:
Welcome to the blog. I am delighted to have you here. Please give that friend of yours a huge thank you from me, and please come back soon.
Nancy Roeder says
Hi, Amy,
Delighted that a friend directed you here, and that you are doing your mother’s story. Nothing wrong with constructing it with memories of off-hand comments and discussions with siblings.There are so many ways to approach this kind of narrative. You can still construct a rich story. I like your ideas. Please keep me posted on your progress, and thanks so much for reading this blog.
Sincerely,
Nancy Roeder
Sue Terry says
Hi Marion and Nancy,
I really want to read this book and would love to win a copy. I was blessed to have a sweet and wonderful mother and spend time with her almost every day the last four years of her life while she was in a nursing home. We talked a lot and I regret not recording her speaking. She died in 2006 and since then I have had so many questions that I wish we had talked about, especially thinking back over her family and their life together. I have always been interested in the influence a person’s biological family has on their life. .It is too bad I did not have the wisdom to ask both of my parents many questions while there were here. Thanks so much for this great blog and the wonderful books and writers you are sharing. It always gives food for thought and helps as I try to write my stories.
marion says
Hi, Sue: You are so very welcome. This is a wonderful book. I highly recommend it. Many thanks for stopping by. Please come back soon.
Nancy Roeder says
Hi, Sue – I look back also and think of all the questions I could have asked. Even though I recorded many conversations, I know there was so much more to learn. I’m sure that your memories of being with your mother will stay with you always, and those memories will be the seeds for great stories. How wonderful you were able to be with her as much as you were!
Jeanne McNitt says
Hi, Nancy,
Your two-voice story, Going to the Well, is truly a treasure, and I am so impressed by the results. I am also very proud of your gifts and your perseverance as a writer. Having known the “characters”, I am sure you know that I am anxiously awaiting your next book. Becoming an author is a wonderful way to leave a physical legacy for your daughter, your grandchildren, and for the rest of us who are proud to claim you as both a dear relative and a friend. Keep up the fine writing.
Love, Jeanne
Nancy Roeder says
Dear Jeanne,
Special words from a special relative! Thank you, thank you for posting this!
Susan McCaslin says
I have read Nancy’s richly layered memoir and, as a writer myself, am deeply inpressed by the way she has ideftly nter-related the voices of mother and daughter. This memoir isn’t merely of historical interest, though it is of historical import, but also a spiritual autobiography that commemorates a mother-daughter relationship fresly discovered.
Nancy Roeder says
Susan – I appreciate your perceptions greatly. Thanks so much for these words.
Amanda Trosten-Bloom says
I loved Going to the Well – and love it all over again, contemplating all the choices that Nancy made to craft the story. This is a real-life redemption story, and it offers hope for the many relationships in our lives in which love has been eclipsed by pain and trauma. I love that Nancy wrote this, and that she shared it with the world.
Amanda Trosten-Bloom says
I loved Going to the Well, and I love it even more hearing Nancy describe the choices she made when she wrote it. This is a real-life redemption that offers hope for all of us who retain hope that love can overcome generational trauma and pain.
Nancy Roeder says
Amanda,
As always, I value your comments greatly. You captured the theme so well in saying there is hope for overcoming generational trauma and pain. Thanks so much for taking the time to post this.
Elin Stebbins Waldal says
Nancy, What an intriguing story and how incredible that you have recorded conversations that span 16 years, I look forward to reading your book immensely.
My own mother died this past May. July brought the task of dismantling her home and the shipping of items requested to each of my siblings. My own wish list included her writing, my mother was an incredible writer.
A month ago I began the process of sifting through her work and there wedged inside one of the many boxes was a smaller box marked: EFS/RHS Correspondence, 1950-1958. Letters written between my mother and father. These letters are emotional gold. Because I am one of five I decided I must transcribe them, a task that I dare say will take ages.
I relate heartily to your words: “Her voice on the tapes often had cadence, simple language with the feel, at times, of poetry. Some segments were told so beautifully that they left me stunned. This was a voice that I had not known.”
Reading my parents letters has been akin to meeting them for the first time. The combination of their voices and my response to them is something I am writing about. I have no idea whether or not it will ultimately lead to another book, right now I am merely stepping into it and have shared just one installment via my blog. Your ‘writing lesson’ reminds me what a gift another persons story can be to a reader, thank you.
Nancy Roeder says
Elin,
I loved the phrase “emotional gold” – your phrase referring to your parents’ correspondence with each other. Yes, true treasure, uniquely yours. I do hope you share their story – and your response – with the world. The transcribing task can be daunting but not impossible, and the rewards are huge. As you step through it, you will discover all over again their voices along with the way to approach telling the story. .
Thank you so much for your comments. I am most appreciative!
Judy says
Wow! What a wonderful way to present a story. It brings home the importance of interviewing those whose stories need to be told. So interview today, not tomorrow. Tomorrow might be too late. How fortunate for us you took the opportunity, and that your mother agreed to do it. Either recording or writing down word for word at the time is the only way to give the true perspective that makes a well-rounded story. Hopefully this time together was as meaningful to her as you.
Nancy Roeder says
Hi, Judy,
You are so right – time is of the essence when it comes to recording memories, whether of a parent or friend. Many thanks for responding!
Patti M Hall says
I loved watching the author harvesting material in that incredible voice. I had never considered writing exactly this way, with truly two voices. Thank you for this.
Nancy Roeder says
Patti,
And thank you for these comments. My own path to writing in two voices took quite a few twists and turns. I hope this technique will work for you!
Lindy says
What an interesting way to hear both mother and daughter. I am looking forward to reading this book. Thanks for sharing.
Nancy Roeder says
Lindy,
I appreciate your interest! Always feel free to contact me with feedback.