Writing Through Sadness. A Fix or a Failure?
Anne Roiphe, from Publishers Weekly
AS A MEMOIR COACH and writing teacher, I am accustomed to a great deal of pushback from writers about re-entering troubled times. “Why should I go back there?” someone will ask, particularly after a difficult edit. It begs the question of whether writing through sadness makes things better or worse.
Thinking about this, I went looking for someone smarter than I am, and found this interview in Publishers Weekly with the great Anne Roiphe, in which, during a discussion of the writing she did after her husband died, she said, “The writing did not make me sad. I was sad to start with. The writing made me feel strong and the writing told me what I was thinking and it is always a good to know what is happening in the dark recesses of one’s mind.”
I don’t know about you, but I found that illuminating.
I can personally relate to these sentiments, writing my parent’s story, brought sadness initially but then I learnt so much. I discovered joy in discovering more about them even though I stood alone; an adult orphan. I enjoyed the post especially from your perspective.
It’s a double edged sword, this remembering. It can be a way to confront the past and come to terms with it, to accept it, to forgive whoever needs forgiving, even it it is yourself. But it can also be a morbid exercise in opening old wounds, and a refusal to take the risk moving into a new life by staying stuck in a past one. Sometimes you have to write for quite a while before you can tell which you are doing. You don’t relive past traumas just for the hell of it, but if you can release whatever is there to be released and come to understand that you can feel whatever there is to feel and come out the other side of it intact, gain some mastery and control by realizing that the emotions won’t kill you, then I say go ahead. And if someone reads what you have written they may understand that it is something they might be able to do for themselves, too.
Writing through the pain is processing for me. It is helping me understand myself better as I attempt to make sense out of the chaos I endured.
I too believe it is through our experiences and the sharing of them that connects us to others. Isn’t that what life is about? Sharing our experiences to help others?
Oh my, a thousand times yes! I started to write after our eldest son was killed. Writing didn’t make me sad, I already was sad. Writing revealed my grief to me. Yes, I get it. Thank you for this affirmation and illumination. I shall treasure this.