THERE ARE THREE MUST-HAVE COMPONENTS TO ANY PIECE OF MEMOIR, and knowing what they are will instantly allow you to get to work writing well. Master these, and you can have a writing life. It’s as simple as that, though it’s worth saying that if you want to learn how to write memoir and you ignore these, you do so at your own peril. Include them, and you can have that writing life you dream of. Omit them, and you risk writing and writing and writing without ever getting anyone else interested in your work. And who wants that?
So, what are they? I’ve got them right here. The three essentials to any piece of memoir. They are:
- The answer to the question “What is this about?”
- Your argument
- The scenes from your life that you will deploy to prove that argument
What Is This About?
Knowing what your work is about means knowing the difference between your universal theme and your plot line. This is an essential distinction for anyone learning how to write memoir. Your essay/op-ed/book is about the first — a universal theme. The second, your plot line, is the story you tell to illustrate what big universal thing your story is about.
“Oh no,” you are saying right now. “My story is about me.” Not if you want anyone to read it, it’s not. It’s not about you. You’re there. You’re present. We could not do this without you. But you are not what the story is about. The story is about something universal and – and here you come – you are its illustration.
So what’s your story about? Go on, leave a comment below, and take a crack at it, and I’ll reply with some feedback.
What’s Your Argument?
Every piece of non-fiction is an argument. This does not mean that you are argumentative or that you have to scream, shout or implore in your piece. Simply put, your argument is what you know after something you’ve been through – say, that peace can be found in your own backyard, or that meditation really does slow down that monkey mind of yours, or that grief is a process that must be gone through slowly, or else you are destined to stay in it forever.
Just like people, arguments come in all shapes and sizes, as well as degrees of complexity. It does not matter how complex or simple you want to go since this is what you learned after what you’ve been through (see, I promised you a starring role in this piece of writing. Here it is). So, what did you learn in your first season of gardening, or after the death of your father; what did you come to believe in that life of faith, or that process of recovery after sexual assault? What are you willing to say to us, your grateful readers, about the experience?
This is where that tried and true expression comes into play, that one you’ve heard but never really understood. What is it? Write what you know. It does not mean that you give us a diary-like account of what you experienced. It means you show us what you learned.
How? Here’s how.
How to Prove your Argument
You prove that argument by showing – not telling – your way through your tale. You know this expression, as well – show, don’t tell – and it has flummoxed you, hasn’t it? Here is how this works. Show us a series of scenes from you being a total Type A personality, making fun of everyone who meditates. Then show us you, hyperventilating in the ER and having the doctor diagnose a panic attack. Then show us that same doctor offering you two things: Medication or a lifestyle change. Ooh! A choice. Sounds like the end of Act One to me (though that is a whole different blog post, one that includes a section on why memoir is best told in three acts).
Show us you making that choice. Maybe you take the drugs, get addicted, struggle with that and only then try meditation. Maybe you try it and that monkey mind of yours swirls and leaps and torques all over the place — that is, until one day you get just a little hit of serenity. And whammo! You’re hooked! Show us.
And then show us life with meditation. And guess what? You’ve proved your argument.
Easy as that. Simple as one, two, three. When learning how to write memoir, make sure to include these three memoir essentials and you will succeed. Leave them out and, well, you know what happens. And we can’t have that, now can we?
Want more instruction on how to write memoir? That’s what I do. I’m a memoir coach. I also teach memoir. I’d love to teach you more.
- Here is a post on how to define memoir, literally answering the question, “What is a memoir?”
- Here is a post on how to beat writer’s block
- Here is a link to my twenty top tips for writing memoir
- Here is a link to my five insanely simple steps to planning a book
Enjoy. And don’t forget to leave a comment below on what you think your memoir is about. I’ll be glad to help you tighten it up. Go on. I’d love to get you writing.
Looking for some online memoir writing classes? I’ve got those, as well.
Mary Scott says
Getting out of your comfort zone can help you move through grief.
marion says
Mary: This is compact and clear. It is also very much a message that we need to hear. So, in Act One you would show us not only how to value who or what you lost, but also how you are staying in your comfort zone. In Act Two, that comfort zone fails to protect you, and you realize this mid-Act Two. And so you make a change which, at the end of Act Two, allows you to transcend your previous state. Act Three? Prove to us you are changed. And Voila!
Paulette Whitehurst says
My story is about the fact that kids are resilient, and it is never too late to inspire or influence them, illustrated by my story of growing up in the fifties with a mother who was emotionally abusive.
marion says
Yes, indeed. The resiliency of kids is a great topic, especially right now. So reword it so that you can prove it. What do you know within that statement “kids are resilient?” It’s about how the resiliency of kids can…as illustrated by my own late-in-life growth after being raised by an abusive mother, to be told in a book. Remember that the “what is it about” must be universal. Yours is. Just push it a bit.
Paulette Whitehurst says
Marion – How about this?
My memoir in verse is my story of coming of age and survival growing up in the 1950’s with a single mother who was unprepared for motherhood. It is my story of overcoming obstacles: loneliness, rejection, emotional neglect, and abuse in spite of my mother’s three marriages and frequent moves, My life is the evidence of the power of teachers to help their students transcend their problems through a love of learning.
Naomi Johnson says
Hi Paulette,
I’m no Marion (though I have read her book and taken her Memoirama 1 mini-course).
I can ‘hear’ her perhaps saying something like this back to you. At least it strikes me, based on what I’ve been learning from her, that your longer response is moving more in the direction of your plot sketch (possibly) and what she’s inviting you to do is to find that one, short, cliché-like phrase that is the language of a succinct universal.
I wonder if your universal ‘about’ statement might be:
“it’s about surviving and thriving against all odds”?
I’ve been learning that while our universals are cliché and ‘bumper sticker sounding’ (that’s what makes them ‘universal’), we will deeply personalize them in our own unique argument about that universal, shown, of course, in our own unique story that proves our argument.
Forgive me if I’m repeating things quite familiar to you.
Couldn’t resist jumping in here, especially as I see Marion has so many responses she likely can give each of us only a 1 shot response. Hooray for that!
All the best, Nj
Pam says
I am so grateful for your advice, Marion. I thought a memoir was about me, my life and in chronological order. It was a lot of work, words and scenes, most not necessary or truly relevant to my argument. You showed me the way and it has also been a lot of work and killing of those things thought to be too dear and were not, they had to go!
I am sticking to your 3-Step Guide and 3 Acts and the memoir is coming to life, making a strong argument and showing the way, with less scenes and words too!
Thank You, Thank you, Thank you!
marion says
You are most welcome, Pam.
Naomi Johnson says
Me too – ditto! Isn’t it WONDERFUL to finally see our way through our own forests?
Rebecca says
It’s about: “cheating death, second chances, and the power of kindness.” But that’s vague. “Life is better sober.” Eh. How about “If you don’t stop drinking you’re liable to end up with a failing liver and need a transplant and you don’t want to get that sick because it’s horrible to be that sick and people judge you because you did that to yourself and that’s humiliating and why do you deserve to even live?” That’s pretty broad. I cannot figure out which direction to focus on! I went through so many different aspects of this span of time (two years). Help.
marion says
Dear Rebecca:
Good for you. Life is better sober. Sobriety is not only about quitting drinking. What is it about? In the hard-drinking culture in which I was raised, what I noticed is that sobriety really involves unlearning the romance of alcohol. What did you learn? Your argument is what you know after what you’ve been through. It’s universal, as illustrated by you.
Elizabeth Mayorca says
How in writing about my relationship with my grandmother I learned that she influenced my patience, my sense of loving affection, helped to form my faith, my love for humanity, even though as a mother to her own children she was impatient, more emotionally distant, anxious, depressed and critical (a daughter of the Depression). As her grandchild, I embraced her southern Italian heritage and learned Italian, even as her own children were not allowed to learn or speak the language growing up. Writing this book helps me to understand the bitterness in my mother (and as a result myself) and changes the way I mother my own children for the better.
marion says
Dear Elizabeth,
Welcome. So, let’s universalize that, shall we? Your plot line is clearly stated here. But your argument is not. Sometimes the skills we have on us to transcend what we encountered are offered from outside the family. So what is it you know about accepting outside help to create control over inside problems? Yes, your grandmother is family, but you are making a strong case for who may influence us. Some people have no one and get it from books or even movies. I’ve heard of people transcending this lives over a line read in a greeting card. It begins when and how it begins. So what do you know about that?
Dana says
My story is about recognizing realities and adapting to them to survive, learn and grow, as illustrated by a week in Mali, Maldives assisting a friend in the hospital.
marion says
Dear Dana,
Which realities? Break that open. Hit it with a hammer and reveal which specific realities you refer to and this book will reveal itself to you.
Dana says
The realities I recognized were that Mali is a strict Muslim nation. I arrived in attire suitable for a day at the beach. Hospitals there don’t have basic, standard equipment. They don’t care for the person only their medical needs, as they are able. I am an American Christian woman, unwelcome and alone. My friend died. I survived, and learned and changed.
I don’t know how to put all that into a concise universal argument.
Linda Lee/@LadyQuixote says
This is a book I want to read!
Dana says
thank you for the encouragement Linda Lee! Hopefully with the direction provided I will actually get it down on paper and out of my head!
Dana says
Hello again Marion,
Wanting to get in on the conversations with you and others, I didn’t take enough time yesterday before replying. So I have reworked my argument as follows:
My story is about recognizing realities and adapting to them to survive, learn and change. These realities are that Mali, Maldives is a strict Muslim nation. Hospitals there don’t have basic, standard equipment. They don’t care for the person, only their medical needs, as they are able with the facilities. As an American woman, and a Christian, I was unwelcome and alone. My friend died. I survived, learned and changed. This will be illustrated by a story of spending a week in Mali assisting a friend in the hospital.
Is this universal enough to be a solid argument? I would appreciate any additional feedback. Thank you for your time.
marion says
Dear Dana,
So what you seem to be arguing something mighty about adaptation. Remember the dictum of memoir — that memoir is not about what you did. Memoir is about what you did with it. So we, the readers, are not reading for your specifics, though they are there in the tale. We are reading for your transformation so we might be informed about how we, too, might change. Are you arguing that adaptation allows for evolution? That’s what Darwin argued, didn’t he? If we allow ourselves to adapt, we can grow and survive. Keep it simple and you let us in to the story.
Dana says
Hello again,
I’v spent days taking a hammer to my thoughts. I get that this story is not about me, not at all, it’s not about resilience or adapting.
This story is about my friend who died, about her assumptions regarding how and where she would die. She wanted to die on a beautiful cruise ship surrounded by friends. She was 6 weeks into a 4 month around the world trip, her 5th consecutive one. Her doctors had warned her that she wouldn’t make it back home. Indeed that ship sailed away without her. She died in a shabby ward surrounded by nurses in “al-khimar”. And this hospital didn’t acknowledge her advance care planning directives allowing her to pass as intended.
My purpose of writing this story is to persuade others who know they are ill to not travel by ship (my area of expertise as I’v worked on ships for almost 30 years). For many reasons, ships are not an alternative to nursing homes. This story is not a memoir.
I have loved going through the video’s and workbooks in this course. You are a talented teacher Marion. Thank you. The tools are well presented and encouraging. I believe they would apply to other kinds of stories, with adaptions, wouldn’t they?
Instead of continuing with this course, should I take your husband’s “How To Write Opinion Pieces: Op-eds, Radio Essays and Digital Commentary”?
marion says
Hi again.
Good for you for wanting to write with such intent. I applaud that whole-heartedly.
While we differ on how to construct it, we agree that you have a powerful tale.
And you do.
Now that I know what you are using to illustrate it — wow, what a tale — if you are writing a memoir, I suggest that your story is about how the what feels like the freedom of decision-making can sometimes result in bad decisions. Just because we can do some things does not always mean we should, yes?
If you are not in the tale at all, this is not a memoir. However, if you are in the tale and this is a cautionary story, it can be a memoir as long as it has an argument.
As to the last graph, which course are you referring to?
We’d welcome you in the op-ed course. You have a powerful statement to make here and one that would be wonderfully amplified by your story.
Mary Scott says
My original comment was a bit too cryptic, so a bit more flesh on the bones.
My memoir is about losing my husband and grief knocking me flat. I was desperate and terrified that I would always struggle to even rise in the morning. So I bought tiny motorhome, and embarked on a Sentimental Journey.
This was way out of my comfort zone because I had never camped, or traveled on my own other than as part of my work life. I did not practice, just bought the camper and began my journey, in part to celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary.
My first trip was one disaster after another, but I prevailed, and spent a year journeying to places that had been special to my husband and me, as well as to amazing new locations where I met fascinating people, many now dear friends.
I learned to take care of myself and confidently move forward, totally hooked on travel.
marion says
I love this extra information and we can see the book clearly now. See my original comment and write on.
Linda Lee/@LadyQuixote says
Oh my goodness… I want to read this book!
Nicole says
To set this up with context, my grandfather died when I was eight and I’ve always felt an immense connection to him — I think a big reason lies in our similar struggles with depression and our refusal to be overcome by it. I was given 14 years of his diaries which I read cover to cover and discovered much I saw in myself and much I didn’t know about his life. But I struggle to put myself in this story as his life in these diaries takes place from 1971 to the year of his death in 1985. (I was born in 1977 and my memories during that time are faint)
And, by the way, is it memoir if my story is his as I know it by reading his diaries?
Assuming so, whether my story includes my own narrative or not, it is about a person’s mental survival by doing, and the steadfast refusal to sink.
That may be too understated. My grandfather had a top-secret government clearance, so he never sought professional help for his depression out of fear he would lose his clearance and his job. Instead, his therapy was a cross-country trip in an RV from Texas to Alaska with my grandmother, successfully designing and building an underground house and he was a contributing engineer to the NASA space program. He had setbacks along the way and eventually, it was determined that the likely cause of his mental state was 16 cancerous tumors on his brain that eventually took his life in 1985.
My life shares a similar theme but does not parallel by any stretch. His depression is presumably caused by an unknown-at-the-time illness. I had specific and big external reasons as to why mine developed as it did. And I did seek help through therapy. So if my own story is somehow woven in, it’s unclear to me how that would add anything to the story or smoothly connect.
So there you have it! I feel like I have the pieces and “maybe” a start on what this story is about – but am unsure on how to tell it since this story was discovered, and not fully my own. Any thoughts or advice you have would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you in advance for your time!
marion says
Dear Nicole,
This becomes memoir as you — and we, the readers — see your connection to him in your similar theme. If you write solely about him, it’s biography. If you include realizations about you, this can become a fine memoir. What fascinates me here is your dogged research, the only question being “why?” Was it your similar struggles with depression and, much like those who get hooked on genealogy, did you get attached to this tale via a similar pull, but this one more for information on your own health? That’s interesting. If so, you are writing a kind of adventure tale and one that needs an argument about finding answers and the relief they bring.
Nicole says
Thank you so much for your insight. Since I left this comment, I ordered your book “The Memoir Project” and have almost finished it. Your book and much of the content on this site has helped me start to formulate the “Why”. Because you’re right, I only have a distinct interest in knowing him and no one else in my lineage.
As for what it’s about:
Discovering the root of my depression so I may formulate my own cure to get out of it.
Then, using one of the formulations in your book I wrote the following for an argument:
“A sinking depression is hard unless you seek, and hold tight, a connection to pull yourself out.”
I think the diaries are a key component of that – but not the only illustration. This feels like I’m closer to a better direction — I think. Thoughts?
marion says
Wonderful job. The use of the “unless” there is perfect. That’s the beginning of Act Two. Unless. A great word for an argument.
Nicole says
Yay! Fantastic. Ok, on I go to work more on structure and vomit up my crappy first draft. :) I’ve signed up for your Memoirama in September. Really looking forward to it and can’t thank you enough for lending us your expertise in this forum!
Barbie Beaton says
My story is about facing my childhood trauma, and how allowing myself to be OK without family brought compassion.
Linda Lee/@LadyQuixote says
This sounds similar to the book I am writing. I definitely want to read your memoir!
Barbie Beaton says
Oh wow! I’m glad to hear I’m not alone.
marion says
Dear Barbie:
Compassion is a fascinating topic, isn’t it? And when I have my word — the thing that interests me — what I do is go become an expert on that word. Start by looking up compassion in the dictionary. Then read everything you can on it and its antonyms in the Thesaurus. Then read up online on good publication like Psychology Today on what compassion is and how it works. Broaden your knowledge, as well as your language, on your topic and you will find it broadens the base of your argument. Go get ’em.
Best,
Marion
Barbie Beaton says
Thanks Marion! I’ve researched nearly every other theme in my memoir, but this one, because this one is about moi.
Mary Nieraeth says
My memoir is about becoming my own best life advocate as illustrated by my recurring epilepsy from childhood through adulthood. This caused me to seek resources helping find the medical root cause of my condition and practices such as therapy, yoga and meditation which keep me on a healthy path physically, mentally and psychologically..
marion says
Becoming our own best advocate is a topic we never tire of. What you seem to be arguing is in favor of medical self-advocacy. Argue it strongly and show us great examples of where it got you. Good luck.
Catherine Becker says
My book is about authenticity as told through my journey between myth and reality in the American landscape and beyond after discovering I was a black market adoptee.
marion says
Wow. What more can you say about authenticity? What do you know about it that is unique to your experience? I want you to succeed with this, so were we working one-on-one I would push you hard about what, within authenticity, you actually know that most of us do not. Start by drinking a HUGE amount of caffeine (kind of kidding here) and slamming down 10 or 20 sentences about what you know about authenticity. Then put them in the order you learned them. Then see if after reading them you have one, big cosmic thing to say as a result and use that fabulous list as your outline.
Natalie Taylor says
Marion – I have enjoyed the online classes taken so far… but still struggling to pin point these. Look forward to any thoughts…
Basically about my co-dependency – here are some ideas for my plot line, argument and XYZ….
When faced with my daughters addition and abusive relationship, I became addicted to saving her and in the end lost myself, faced my own flaws and behaviors until I learned to detach with love so I could save myself and our family.
Detatching with love was necessary to survive my daughters addiction….
Its about detaching with love, as illustrated by my daughters addiction and abuse, the chaos is brought to our family and my co-dependency and depression, to be told in a book.
marion says
Oh yes. Detaching with love. This is such a needed topic in this world. Much like my answer to Catherine, I suggest you slam down 10 or 20 sentences about what you know about detaching with love. Then put them in the order you learned them. Then see if after reading them you have one, big cosmic thing to say as a result. That’s your argument. Then use that fabulous list as your outline.
Lisa says
It’s never too late to change your lifestyle and get the body you want. (A weight loss memoir about losing 50lbs in my forties)
marion says
Yes. Yes. Yes.
And yes.
Perfect.
Lisa says
Thank you for giving of your own time and offering your valuable advice to us all 😊🙏🏻
marion says
You are most welcome. It’s my pleasure as well as an honor to unleash all these writers on the world with far better arguments. Yipppeeeee, right?
Naomi Johnson says
LOVE IT, Marion ! :-) :-) :-)
Joan Boonin says
It is about how, when you’ve been emotionally damaged as a child, you can discover your own path to self-acceptance and validation, as told in a book.
marion says
Dear Joan,
How kind of you to offer such candor.
I think this is true. And much-needed in this world.
Make sure to let us all into this tale by keeping your message universal and your scenes specific to you.
We do so by showing, not telling, our way through the tale.
Go get ’em.
Best,
Marion
Joan Boonin says
Thanks so much, Marion.
I may be ahead of myself here, but I am working on my 3 W’s and wondered if you might have any thoughts about what I am considering, as follows:
Argument:
You will not find inner peace and self-acceptance/ until you realize that other people are not the ones you need/ to define your own unique brand of success and beauty.
Algorithm:
It is about how, when you’ve been emotionally damaged as a child, you can discover your own path to self-acceptance and validation, as told in a book.
Plot Line:
I was raised by a mother who demonstrated contempt and disapproval of my temperament and physical appearance, causing anxiety and injury to my body-image and self-esteem, and only by pursuing a successful medical rehabilitation career, developing my artistic talents, and becoming a mother myself, have I learned to quiet the inner voice of my mother.
April says
Thank you for this article! It makes so much sense.
My story is about how just going through the checklist of life will not automatically lead you to happiness.
My plan is to talk about my experience with checking off all of the boxes (degree, job, marriage, baby) and realizing I’m far from happy, pinpointing the issues, working through forgiveness and perfectionism, and redefining happy.
Based on your blog post, I’d say:
Act 1 is the process of doing everything I’m supposed to do and my addiction to perfectionism. Until I had a massive meltdown due to my little baby throwing all of my imperfections in my face and making me realize that it was time to drop the act.
Act 2- My perfectionism failed to give me happiness. Seeking validation only led to more pain and severe anxiety. Ignoring my issues with family just fueled my pain and caused me to reject myself. I realized the real work is emotionally and not checkboxes that everyone told me to do.
Act 3- My imperfections are out in the spotlight. I’ve stopped my anxiety in its tracks and become much more centered (less reactive). My relationships are totally different but I’ve stopped yearning for the impossible. I feel empowered in my life instead of like everyone’s puppet.
How’s that?
marion says
“Checklist perfectionism” is my new favorite term. I get it. Wow, do I get it.
Yes. Write it.
Linda Lee/@LadyQuixote says
The theme for my memoir, Growing Up Crazy, is that you are never too broken to heal. All you need is at least one compassionate person who cares, and the determination to never give up on yourself.
marion says
Yes. You are never too broken to heal. Nicely done. And that one compassionate person is a fabulous step along the way. Exactly right. Prove your argument using that person as a major plot point and the book will be a wonder. Write on.
Deborah Jones says
DJ says,
My story is about my two sons – one with Schizophrenia and the other with Bipolar.
My argument is how to hold on to help them, yet let go of the confusion, the chaos.
The scenes show how to save myself from losing myself in the process and how a book helped me let go.
marion says
Your argument seems to be in how we cannot help others unless we keep ourselves intact.
It’s illustrated by your story of your good work with your sons.
Nicely done.
Natalie says
My story is about finding peace and calm in the midst of chronic health problems and pain, illustrated by my search for spiritual and reflection practices.
marion says
Yes. good. Show us how to find peace and calm, never losing sight of the fact that the readers want to achieve the same.
Natalie says
Thank you, Marion! I’d like to begin with the search, show what I found, and end with examples and a “how to” section of the actual practices I am using.
marion says
Sounds very good to me.
Linda says
Marion
I am writing a collection of stories (memoir) that are connected by a theme of a dress. For example: A Little Black Dresss is about learning compassion illustrated by scenes from growing up in a funeral home. I made a chart to clearly show what each one is about, the argument and scenes. It has helped me focus on each story. Some tales could flow into the next story but each can stand alone. Since this is a collection of pieces, do I need an argument for the entire collection? Or do I just continue answering the what is this about? Argument and scenes approach individually. I did write an introduction to the collection.
marion says
Dear Linda,
I love this idea.
You do need an overarching argument for a collection, as well as a sense of the cumulative — that we are learning something along the way.
What are you saying about our relationship to our clothes?
Linda says
Marion,
Thanks for these wonderful comments and for your online courses.
I am not doing a typical book, but a collection of stories, all memoir, which will hopefully make up a book.
Could you respond to my question about forming an argument for a collection?
Here’s what I have so far:
What is this collection about?
How I recall life lessons by the memory of a dress. I have a wardrobe of life lessons told through 17 stories. (ex: judgment, learning compassion, etc. – each piece has it’s own argument and one word answer to the question, what is this about?
My argument: Dresses hold the memories. Dresses have been like a black box recording the flight data on my journey through life.
The introduction to the collection develops that argument in two paragraphs.
I didn’t see a reply to the first post from Saturday. Thank you.
marion says
Clothes hold many secrets, aspirations, memories and more. I love that. But keep in mind that arguments must be universal, so get yourself out of it. Remember that we are reading for our own transformation based on your experience.
Catherine Becker says
Moving Between the Lines: A Black Market Baby, A Motorcycle, A Quest for Pieces of Real, is about authenticity and interconnection as told through my journey through the myth and reality in the American landscape and beyond after I discovered I was a black market adoptee.
marion says
See my comments on your other comment. I think these overlapped.
Deb Rosenthal says
My memoir answers the question, “what does it mean to recover from a stroke?” It shows me moving from believing I am damaged goods to believing that I can still lead a full life. Right now I am trying to tighten up my scenes so they adhere to that theme and that argument–show what I need to show and lose the dreck.
marion says
Dear Deb,
So what do you know about recovery? How would you finish the sentence: “Recovery requires…,” or “true recovery includes…,” or “To recover, we must…”? What do you know about the true nature of recovery? I know you know something I want to learn. So don’t just tell us your tale, but show it to us with a universal theme in mind and we’ll be enthralled.
Go get ’em.
Best,
Marion
Stephanie says
My book is about how kids of divorce can stop being victims by growing up to forgive their parents, deal with the pain and be better for it in the end.
Stephanie says
Do we all get a reply? Or was that just good for the first day?
marion says
So your book is about forgiveness. Now give me a full sentence on the nature of forgiveness and what it provides. Use my algorithm — it’s about x as illustrated by y to be told in a z — and move “forgiveness” in the x spot and fill in the rest and see what happens.
Stephanie says
Forgiveness means freedom. Freedom to love and not live a closed off life of anger and self protection. I don’t have to live as a victim of someone’s else choices or as a closed off person for fear of being hurt again. I am free to be who I am and not who I think I should be to get the love of my parents or somehow get them back together.
It’s about forgiveness, told by my (rather messy and yet blessed) path to forgiving my dad for leaving our family as told in a book.
marion says
It’s about the freedom that forgiveness provides as illustrated by my path to forgiving my father for leaving our family as told in a book. See how that differentiates you in the market by showing us what you, specifically, know about forgiveness? Nice job.
Stephanie says
I love it! I see the difference! What I really Love is the idea of my PATH to forgiveness bc it’s not something that happened all at once and I still have many times where I need to keep forgiving. Recovery from trauma is definitely not linear!
Any suggestions on structuring acts 1, 2 and 3 since it’s not very linear? I came up with
Act1: experience my dad leaving at age 2, which led to anger, perfectionism, inordinate attachments to people.
Act 2: had an awakening in college in which I truly started down the path to forgiveness- a path of healing. Include scenes which led me to different times of forgiveness. (I was thinking of doing that exercise you suggested to someone else abiut writing down all i learned about forgiveness and then putting it in chronological order)
Act 3: I’m married now with kids of my own and able to continue to forgive and apply all I’ve learned. I can have a relationship with my dad without it controlling my life and I can let go more and more everyday of all those negative habits I developed to protect myself.
They all seem to merge in my mind. Mostly the second and third since j feel like I’m still applying all of this daily.
Brooke says
My story is about God’s provision in times of great turmoil as illustrated by a relative’s escape from Lithuania during WWII (and her eventual immigration to Canada).
I wrote one draft before I found about you, Marion, and am now trying to rework it.
My problem now is I think I have too much action, too many scenes. I’ve been told I need more refection, more context.
Any thoughts on this or my what-it’s-about statement?
Thanks for doing this.
marion says
Good for you, Brooke. What a fine idea. Now be more specific. What is it God prides in times of great turmoil? Is your argument a very simple one — God will provide? Perhaps it is. As to those many scenes, remember that we want to be cumulative in a book, meaning that each scene must build on the one before. We are reading the scenes not for the action, but for what they teach us. Too many scenes undoubtedly means you have repeated some themes with different actions. Go through each scene and ask yourself what it tells the reader, see which repeat some themes and cull from there.
Dana Laquidara says
My loving mother was erased from my life after my parents’ divorce when I was four years old (parental alienation). My memoir is about becoming our own good mother in order to heal and thrive, no matter the trauma or poor parenting we have experienced. Love of self, choice by choice, is the way to be whole. (and boy did it take me a long time to really figure this out!)
Dana Laquidara says
*It is also about identity; choice by choice, we uncover our authentic selves, even after loss and neglect.
marion says
There’s your argument: Choice by choice, we recover our authentic selves.
Act One: What’s at stake. Loss and neglect
Act Two: What you tried. How you learned to choose.
Act Three: What worked. Your authentic self reappears.
Dana Laquidara says
A belated thank you, Marion! I look forward to taking your memoirama classes in September in order to more successfully turn my first draft into a better draft. Originally, I thought my argument was about parental alienation; In my essays, I’ve been a voice for the alienated child & I’ve received so many messages from alienated parents desperate to reconnect w/ the beloved children they’ve ‘lost’ since divorcing a vengeful narcissistic/borderline ex. However, I don’t think that is a universal topic.
Thanks again!
Dana Laquidara
marion says
Dear Dana,
Alienation in this crazy world happens in so many ways, from the smallest to the most profound. We see it in restaurants with both members of a couple being on there phones instead of talking; we see it on the border as families are separated. We see it and yet we don’t always know what we think except in the immediate — that it’s wrong. But what more do we know? What there the effects? What is created within it? You are writing about alienation and your assignment is to write what you know so no matter what sort of alienation I might be thinking about, I see the fullness of your experience informing my questions. Go get ’em. There could not be a more vibrant, or needed, topic right now.
marion says
Oooh. See my reply to your next comment.
Donna Linn says
Hello Marion…
My book is about developing conversation, curiosity and question asking skills. These skills will take you anywhere you want to go, personally and professionally. Life is better and more rewarding when you engage in meaningful conversation.
This is based on my thirty year plus career as a professional interviewer in business and in broadcasting.
marion says
Oh, you are so very right: Life is better and more rewarding when you engage in meaningful conversation. Yes, indeed.
So prove it and you’ll have a fine book and, in turn, get your grateful readers talking.
Anna S Simon says
Thank you for this. I am finally writing again after your last webinar. However, I’m still confused. My memoir is about one of the following:
-We create our own misery
-Hands-off parenting has both benefits and costs
-Children will fill in their gaps of understanding and accept them as truth
-We hurt each other because we love each other
-The grass always seems greener on the other side
-It is not wise to compare our insides with other people’s outsides- we will always feel lacking
Or are these the arguments? Do I need to pick one of the above to focus on? Thanks.
marion says
Dear Ann,
These are a sightly list of things you know after what you’ve been through and if you put them in the order in which you learned them you’ll have a marvelous outline for a book, writing to each one of these, illustrating each with scenes. But the overall argument here is still missing, I think. What is the big, universal thing you now know after what you’ve been through? I think it’s linked to the first one — how we create our own misery. Can you finish that thought? If it’s true we create our own misery, can we create our own way out of that misery? Can we create our own joy? As soon as we learn that we’ve created our own misery is it a turning point for us to realize that we can therefore create our own joy? What do you know?
Anna Sher Simon says
Thank you so much! I have been pondering this deeply over the last few days. Yes, I like the idea of the overarching theme being “We create our own misery, but once we understand this we make room for joy”. The only problem is, I was going to write about vignettes from my childhood, (as framed by specific rooms in the historic home I grew up in during the 70’s), but I didn’t learn this overarching message until I was in my 40’s. As a kid, I was just surviving and trying to raise my brother in a bizarre household (very much like
“Running with Scissors”). So now I feel stuck- do I need the overarching thing to be learned during the period focused on? Thanks again.
marion says
Hi again.
No, Anna, you do not have to have all the realization take place at the time of the action.
Many things are not learned until years later, and that gap is easily provided for when we remember that we are writing on a theme, not on a timeline of small events.
You simply need to inform us of how and when we learn what we do — in your case, years later — and apply that learning.
Anna Sher Simon says
Whew! Thanks!
Heather says
I am writing about belonging, as told through the story of having cancer treatment as a newly single expat in Beijing, China.
marion says
Dear Heather,
What about belonging can you share with us. You’ll see in these comments I use the phrase “return on investment”(ROI) a great deal. What is the ROI for your sense of belonging? What did it do for you? How did it heal you? Work on this a bit and you’ll get a fine argument.
Paulette Sharkey says
What do you think of this argument, Marion?
Going through life trying to conform to the expectations of others exacts a high price.
marion says
It most certainly does. So, what is your return on investment (ROI) of learning this, Paulette? That’s your Act Three.
Mary Nieraeth says
My memoir is about becoming my own best life advocate in finding the root cause of recurring epilepsy from childhood to adulthood with a specialized medical team and resources such as Yoga, meditation, and individual therapy to help me find balance physically, mentally, psychologically and spiritually.
marion says
Dear Mary,
Many thanks for this brave offering.
Ah, what strength and power you exhibit here. We immediately want to know how this happens, specifically asking ourselves how we can become our own best advocate. So show us that process of realizing that you needed to, that you could, and that you did just that and what happens when you do.
Katherine Cox Stevenson says
Thank you for this fabulous opportunity Marion! My memoir is about fully loosing myself to my husband’s rare and horrific type of dementia.
marion says
Dear Katherine,
How wonderful to see you here. I remember you well, as well as the complex story your are writing.
So what happens when we lose ourselves? What are you saying about that in terms of what we lose and how? And what keeps us going? Caregiving is a huge burden for millions. Share the story and you unite humanity in ways many of us thought we could never be reached.
Katherine Cox Stevenson says
Oh Marion how lovely you remember me! I am so grateful to you for these opportunities to get your feedback. I am learning a great deal reading others’ ideas and your responses. Very generous of you.
I lost my ability to write and fortunately it is back. I am scheduling two hours a day to take advantage of all the resources you have on your website for us. Thank you sincerely.
marion says
You are most welcome.
Thank you for your continued readership.
Best,
Marion
Ellen says
I want to write a memoir about how favoritism in families affect children.
marion says
Ah, yes. What a good topic. Now hit that with a hammer, specifically the word “affects” and get specific in your argument so you give yourself every chance of succeeding. What are those effects and in what order do they happen? Make a list and then read it though, adding to it as you think of new ways we direct the behavior in a family with favoritism, and then write one, universal, over-arching sentence that argues something about this.
Jene Cates says
Using new adventures to blast back to me.
marion says
Dear Jene,
I love the action in this — specifically, the “blast back to me” aspect. Good energy. So what do we get when we find ourselves? Make sure your argument is universal and encourages us to think about what the return on investment (ROI) is of doing so.
Thank you for coming by.
Best,
Marion
Jene Cates says
Marion,
Thanks for the feedback. I’ve signed up for Memoirama for September and would like to write my first draft over the summer.
My memoir will be about the conflict of my inauthentic self who married the wrong man for me because I was buying into the package of what was expected of me. Then I was unable to break free because my values demanded I hold the family together. And the authentic self who came to life when I got a Hall Pass (I think that may be my working title) when my husband of 25 years walked out.
Twenty-seven months followed where I ran from adventure to adventure flushing out who is the real me. And then, low and behold, the love of my life plopped down right in front of me.
So maybe,
“It is never too late to find your authentic self and thus find the love you’ve been yearning for all your life.”
I’d love your feedback.
Jene
Martha Chabinsky says
My memoir is a series of essays about incidents that have shown me that I have everything inside me to live my life- that is Divine Feminine Intuiton.
marion says
Dear Martha,
There are few story lines better than ones that argue that we have on us all the time everything we need to get home. It’s the basis of one of the world’s favorite tales — that of Dorothy of OZ, a tale whose endurance is spectacular. So yes. Write it.
Careen Strange says
People are born with the inherent desire to belong to a loving, supportive family, but even with the best foundation, many families drift apart and lose connection when siblings become adults. I believe it’s possible to stay close and maintain vibrant, healthy relationships forever, but it takes determination and intentionality.
I want to write a memoir for my family (consisting of five grown sons and their families) about our efforts to work together to prove it can be done and brothers and in-laws can indeed succeed in maintaining unity. I hope to demonstrate how five competitive, entrepreneurial, combative, fun-loving sons with their equally capable wives and children still function in harmony.
marion says
Ah, a memoir about the joy of family harmony. A rare gift, indeed. So, show us what harmony is and what it does for you and, in turn, you will be arguing something about why the pursuit of harmony is a good one. Go get ’em. And thank you for leaving this fine comment.
Mark Botts says
Marion, thank you for your insights.
Here’s what I believe my memoir is about: Whether parents, siblings, religious leaders, teachers, coaches, or friends — the people you admire and seek admonition from and (perhaps) model your life after are not superhuman; they are human; they are flawed. Love them. Listen to them. But learn to make decisions for yourself.
marion says
Yes, this makes sense. Now try writing it out in one, concise argument that you can put up on your wall and look to every day as you write. For me, this would be something about discernment which, for me, is among the greatest of human qualities. Something like: Discernment, above all else, will guide you through life with others. That way, the discernment covers all of it and, in Act Three, you can show us that the return on investment of discernment is learning to pick and choose among those human qualities you are exposed to but that ultimately the goal is to learn to make your own choices.
Mark Botts says
Marion, I believe I posted my memoir’s theme and not the illustration.
The theme is illustrated through my specific experiences during middle school and high school in a church and church school. It follows me from last days in sixth grade to my first day at college.
Ellen says
Dear Marion,
I hammered away at the topic. I hope you can help me shape this a little more. Here are my thoughts after reflecting a while.
How did favoritism in my family affect me?
I was confused about why my grandparents favored my cousins over me and my brother.
My feelings were hurt, and I worked harder at trying to please my grandparents, but nothing I did was ever good enough.
I felt unworthy, inferior and the lower I sunk, the more love and special treatment the cousins received.
I felt like an outsider.
Desperate for approval, I tried harder to win their love, but I didn’t succeed.
My confidence waned, and I became more insecure around the extended family. My brother showed signs of the same. Neither of us bonded with the offenders, and we became more distant.
My parents harped about the favoritism and pointed out the obvious. These little reminders chipped away at me more.
I became resentful toward my grandparents and toward the cousins for a while, though it wasn’t the cousins’ fault.
My immediate family was alienated from the extended family. We were excluded from outings and activities.
The offenders never changed their ways. The attempts to bond with my grandmother after childhood failed.
Possible arguments:
Just because someone is related to you, doesn’t mean they will like you.
When grandparents don’t like their own children, they won’t necessarily like their children’s offspring either.
If you were branded a black sheep, it doesn’t mean you were the bad one.
You may never completely understand why relatives favored others, but in the end, it was their short-coming, not yours. There is a limit to how much love some people can give because of their own bias or prejudice.
Ellen says
Did I miss the point?
Naomi Johnson says
Hi Ellen, not sure if you’ll want someone else’s two cents here.
Perhaps it’s not that you’ve missed the point, but that you’re still hammering it out, distilling it down, til you find that one – cliché sounding – universal. Then, you take that statement and work it into your own personal argument or spin on it.
For myself, I’m finding that takes a lot of hammer whacking. Every time I think “I’ve got it” I realize, a few days later, there’s more whacking to be done. Each whack gets me closer to the kind of classy distillation that this two sided universal (about) and my personal argument requires.
Ellen says
Hi Naomi,
Any advice is welcome. How do I know when I’m done hammering? There are dozens of scenes from my experiences that will demonstrate the emotions garnered from the effect of favoritism. A cliche argument everyone can identify with might be grandparent or parents who practice favoritism rob their children/ grandchildren of happy childhood memories and cheat themselves out of loving bonds.
Naomi Johnson says
Hi again Ellen. I’m certainly no expert. Just on the beginning learning curve here myself, too.
A couple comments may help a bit:
1. The ‘cliche’ simple statement is for your “About” sentence (not your argument). This will be VERY simple and it will be a universal. Often, it’s only a short phrase.
“Favoritism in families leaves bad affects” isn’t it. It still doesn’t – to me — have the ‘universal ring to it’ yet. But think with that kind of simplicity and you’ll eventually get to it.
2. Your argument statement is the one where your own personal twist on the simple cliché is presented.
I heard Marion say that it took someone she was working with about 6 months to iron out her “About” and her “Argument” statements.
In my experience, these don’t come lightly or quickly.
Understandably so. We have SO MUCH in our noggins about our own stories. It’s hard for us to see, or get to, the universal simplicity that’s buried in their depths somewhere, waiting for us to discover. And then focus on,as one of the 2 main GPS points of our whole project.
TIPS: Marion’s Memoirama II or her Write Your Story course (new one) offer a lot more guidance on this majorly important area.
I also found Jennie Nash’s talks (you can sign up for a free mini email course – “Blueprint”) or take her longer course on Creative Live, also of parallel /complimentary content to Marion’s line of excellent thought.
Hope this helps a wee bit?
I think you have to be patient with this one. The golden nectar hidden behind all the scenes and intensities of our stories doesn’t give itself up quickly.
All the best!
Naomi Johnson says
Ellen, here’s my universal “about”.
“it’s about a woman’s longing for freedom”
(she dreams of freedom from her estranged husband, when that freedom is only possible via death)
It only took me about 10 layers/stabs to get to it. Grin.
ps – the bracketed material is neither my universal nor my argument. I just added it in for reference sake.
Ellen says
Thank you Naomi. I guess this process can’t be rushed. I thought I understood what to do but it’s much harder than I thought.
Linda says
Naomi,
Your comments to Ellen are helpful to all. Thanks for sharing them.
Inci says
Act 1 Ambitious and naive female civil engineer moved to Australia, found a job and hoped to get ahead. After 12 years of efforts and struggling and not getting anywhere, she decided to change careers only to find her new career on naturopathy would not earn much and by then she was 50 and financially in bad shape.
Act 2 She went back to engineering without expecting much for her career but to save money for retirement. Through different jobs and bullying, she educated herself about how to save and invest.
Act 3 While working on her new goal of financial independence, she got redundant by her bully bosses. To her surprise, she realized she achieved her second goal.
Thank you, Marion, for your help.
marion says
In Act Two, she also seems to have educated herself on how to defect/redirect the bullying and turn it into power.
Right on. And write on. Nicely done.
Inci says
Thank you for your reply and all the best with your own writing Marion.
marion says
You are most welcome. Thanks for the kind wishes on my work.
Let’s all write well.
Francisca says
Dear Marion,
Thank you so much for the opportunity.
Here is my idea:
It’s about defining the meaning of life for yourself, as illustrated by my first 30 years of life frantically searching outside myself and missing life before accepting this, to be told in a book.
Act 1: What’s at stake. Emptiness and overwhelmedness
Act 2: What I tried. How I learned to provide meaning for my life
Act 3: What worked. I am living my life
marion says
I see what it is about. But what’s your argument? To answer that, consider what is the return on investment (ROI) of you defining the meaning of life for yourself? When you know that, you’ll have your argument.
Francisca says
Defining the meaning of life for myself gives me the freedom from anxiety and to live fully and outside of my head
marion says
Great. Now just make it universal — take yourself out of it — and you’ve got it. See the difference?
Francisca says
I think I do.
Defining the meaning of life for yourself, instead of waiting for it to appear, frees you from anxiety and to live fully outside your head.
Thanks!
Naomi Johnson says
My pilgrimage memoir has 2 universals: my own and God’s (His is an overarching biblical universal)
Mine: it’s about a woman’s longing for freedom
(she dreams of freedom from her estranged husband, when freedom is not possible except via death)
God’s: it’s about the quality of Life inherent in His kingdom
(a life quality found only on the far side of the cross)
Possible Argument: Hmmm…hadn’t got that far
Possibly: God’s goals for us, though immeasurably more costly than our own, net immeasurably greater results than anything we could ever dream
marion says
Dear Naomi:
I love this last offering.
I’m not sure I know what you mean by costly, so clear that up.
It seems like a huge realization and a major plot point in the story.
But I think you’ve got a book here.
Best,
Marion
Naomi Johnson says
I don’t expect Marion to be back again. She’s already given us all so much here. But for the record’s sake, my further distillation.
My pilgrimage memoir has 2 universals: my own and God’s (His is an overarching biblical universal).
Mine: it’s about a woman’s longing for freedom
(she dreams of freedom from her estranged husband, when that freedom is only possible via death)
God’s: It’s about the availability of resurrection power—the kind that only exists on the far side of the cross
Argument: God’s goals for us, though immeasurably different than our own and often arduous to connect with, net immeasurably greater outcomes than anything we’d imagine
Thanks for the push Marion!
Naomi Johnson says
NEXT DAY
I’ve been protecting and carrying this story’s seed for 20 years. It finally got inseminated last night. As I worked out its proper argument, in response to your comments, the sperm and the egg met. This baby’s cells can finally start multiplying.
Exhilaration: I’M PREGNANT!
Deep thanks Marion for your huge part in this. Ever since Jeff Goins mentioned your name, things have, at last, started to happen.
Dana says
Congratulations!
marion says
Yipppeeeeee!
I will proudly wear those stretch marks.
Best,
Marion
Sarah@heartofcooking.com says
Hi Marion,
Thanks so much for offering to do this! Things are beginning to sink in after watching your videos and reading this blog post. I have a hard time understanding the difference between What this is about and the Argument but I think I’m getting there.
Here is the latest version of what my book is about:
Trauma can be life-shattering and difficult to heal from but horses can make it possible.
And maybe the following is my argument?:
Horses can revive, enliven and heal someone with sexual trauma and help to put the pieces of their life back to together again.
Plotline:
As illustrated by my participation in a form of therapy called Equine Experiential Psychotherapy where horses play an intrinsic part in the healing process. I have struggled for many years with my emotional and physical health when I am led to a horse farm where I have a transformative experience with the horses, which leads me to leave an abusive marriage of 8 years. Through intensive therapy, I begin to realize I have been suffering from PTSD since I was very young. I begin to heal from this trauma through a series of magical and healing connections with the horses and the support of my therapist. I begin living life in a new and free way where I am able to be more present, connected and grounded in my life.
As told in a book.
Thank you ahead of time for your feedback! Have a great day,
Sarah
marion says
Dear Sarah,
Many thanks for this.
It seems you are arguing about the unique and therapeutic connection between animals and humans. It makes perfect sense.
I keep reading about the myriad things that horses can heal. So, too, with other animal therapies. It’s a wonder.
The time in now for this book.
Write it.
Let me know if I can help you further.
Best
Marion
Sarah Schatz says
Hi Marion,
Thanks so much for your support and encouragement. Yes, I think you nailed my argument on the head :) I am sure I will have questions as I get further into writing. Is this the best place to write them to you? I am slowly going through the how to write memoir videos and handbook and I am loving it.
thank you!
Sarah
Sarah says
Hi Marion,
This process is proving to be extremely helpful as things are starting to come together as I move through the workbook.
Currently, my universal theme and what my book is about is disconnection and connection. Nailing this down has been crucial to understanding how to structure the book. Thank you!!!!
Sarah
marion says
Dear Sarah,
I am delighted.
Let me know what else you might need.
Best,
Marion
Bo says
Creative and contemplative practices–art, writing, connections with nature–can be the pathway through debilitating illness towards healing and acceptance of what is.
marion says
Yes.
Oh yes.
Oh, absolutely yes.
Lorraine Gengo says
Hi Marion!
My memoir is about how integrating the negative and positive facets of personality is painful and difficult to do, but ultimately it’s worth doing because the wholeness that results transforms your sins into blessings. As illustrated by what I learned falling in love with my husband’s brother and ultimately choosing to end my marriage.
marion says
Dear Lorraine,
The idea of wholeness is a fascinating one. I’d center the argument on that. Wholeness results when we integrate the positive with the negative and accept both. Something like that. Proving it with your tale is your next step. Good luck.
Lorraine says
I like it!! Thanks so much for your generosity!
Naomi says
This is proving to be such an outstandingly profitable comment thread that I’m back here simply to tick “notify me of follow up comments” so I won’t miss a single learning opportunity shared.
THANK YOU again Marion for offering your expertise to us all here. What a wonderful launch-bang into our summers and our writing!
Debbie says
Hello Marion. What a kind offer you proposed and I hope it’s not too late to get a personal response from you. Below is what my story is about:
My book is about the importance of critical thinking as illustrated by an increased confidence in challenging ideas of those who want to control our lives.
Heather says
Hi Marion,
I just discovered your website yesterday, and have been soaking up as much as I can ever since! Thank you for the priceless nuggets you offer all of us who are in the process!
I’ve been writing out my life stories over the last 10 years and have ended up with a giant pile of semi-interesting tales of my childhood and young adulthood. But now I’m venturing into more recent history.
The algorithm is: It’s about letting go of a need for control and finding a more positive way of living, as illustrated by my being diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis and learning to live with the new lifestyle and limitations, as told in a book.
marion says
Dear Heather,
Welcome.
I am delighted to have you here.
I think you are correct: When we lessen our control, unexpected, positive things can happen.
Good for you.
Please come back soon and share more of your thoughts.
Best,
Marion
Heather says
I’m looking forwaHrd to doing that!
Heather says
“looking forward,” that is!
Careen says
Hurry and write it, Heather. I want to read it!😊
Heather says
Hi Carren,
Thanks for the encouragement – I’m actually working on it right now!
Hope your work goes well today, too. :)
Careen Strange says
Hi Marion!
Thank you for taking the time to read and respond to all our ramblings. God bless you for your encouraging nature. The following might be pushing your generosity, but I wanted to share my stream of consciousness re memoir, so here it is.
Because we live in a fallen, polluted, dangerous world, people are jaded, disillusioned, and discouraged.
I want to write a book like the kind I want to read: one that’s happy, but not sappy; one filled with the wonder and excitement of a child’s first discovery and delight at seeing things for the first time; one that’s filled with love that’s pure and innocent, but that tells a realistic story of life; one that doesn’t ignore realities of sadness and loss but that depicts this with hope and acceptance of God’s overall master plan; one that’s filled with goodness and fairness; one that gives the reader a chance to escape into a world that can exist because it’s supposed to, because that’s the way God wants it. I want my story to provide hope and joyful expectation for the reader. This is the kind of text a person will reach for when she gets in bed and needs comfort and assurance before falling asleep, or when she finds herself in scary situations and needs to feel the sensation of a cozy blank encircling her shoulders and loving arms holding her safe.
I want to tell a story of an idyllic childhood. I’ll do this by telling my own childhood story of dealing with disfiguring scoliosis, of being cherished as an only child, of growing up and rearing my own family of five sons. It will be woven together with episodes involving my grandchildren, particularly my granddaughters.
I watch these little girls as they create the world they wish to live in. This world consists of breakable dishes, tea from silver pots, and sugar in most any form, preferably decorated in designer icing. In their world, babies cry and get picked up and loved. When they get hurt, there’s someone to comfort them. All animals are friendly. Small reptiles love to be caught and temporarily kept in jars. Fish need to be kissed and released. Butterflies and hummingbirds provide pleasurable watching. In their world, bucks and does live happily and shelter their young. Fawns like to be petted. Kittens love stroking and puppies thrive on hugs.
Somewhere in the midst of the chaos and terrorizing reality of this world, I believe we all yearn to find the eye of the storm, that elusive place where all is calm and peaceful. In the stillness comes healing—of the mind, the emotions, and ultimately the body. I want my narrative to touch this tender spot, to cause the reader to connect with the center and core of their being. For the skeptics who have never known a peaceful moment, I pray they experience its reality. I want my story to epitomize the hope they’ve given up.
So who is my targeted reader? The jaded person who needs hope; the one who needs to see that prayers do get answered; that good things do come to those who wait; that people can and do forgive each other; that even if they didn’t have good parents, their children can; that miracles still happen.
I want to illustrate these claims incrementally via blog posts, and ultimately in a book of memories dedicated to whom and about whom it is written—the members of my family.
Nom Johnson says
Sounds lovely Careen. Sounds just like the kind of book I look for when I go to bed at night.
For some years (when much younger) I took Bill Keane’s “Family Circus” cartoon books to bed, for that quaint, warm, ah-ha before falling asleep.
If you have your blog address, and don’t mind posting it, I’d love to follow you!
All the best, nj
Careen Strange says
Why, thank you, Nom! Your response gave me that warm inside feeling we all crave. Thank you for your “following” request. I’m happy to share it: just go to careenstrange.com and click on blog.
I’m open to feedback and I welcome constructive critique. Thank you!
Also thanks for reminding me of the “Family Circus.” I loved it as well and followed those cartoons long before having a family of my own. I might dig them up and be re-inspired!
The best to you,
Careen
Nom J says
Second hand book stores, garage sales, or used on Amazon. Smile.
Nothing like them eh?
Hurry up and write that book! Last night, going to bed, there was nothing quaint, relaxing, and quietly joyful for me to reach for!
The mountain of books in my room are all too darn interesting, or important. Definitely NOT relaxing bedtime reading. Grin.
marion says
Dear Careen,
What a fine intention this is.
As you so beautifully put it, “In the stillness comes healing — of the mind, the emotions, and ultimately the body.”
Show us.
Best,
Marion
Merridith says
My memoir will be about the God size hole in each of us and how through a depressive episode I learned that joy is found in surrendering to God and letting him fully into my life.
Nom Johnson says
Mmmm…sounds wonderful (again).
Far too many people suffer with a dogged depression.
And sometimes God and faith can make all the difference in the world.
All the best on your project!
ps -if you haven’t read Marion’s book (available in audio too) I highly recommend you do.
Nj – another-memoir-writer-in-the-making :-)
Merridith Frediani says
Thank you for your encouragement! I have her book on my amazon reading list.
marion says
Dear Meredith,
Yes: Surrender.
Great topic.
Write well.
Best,
Marion