How To Write Your Memoir: A 3-Step Guide

THERE ARE THREE MUST-HAVE COMPONENTS TO ANY PIECE OF MEMOIR, and knowing what they are will instantly allow you to get to work writing well. Master these, and you can have a writing life. It’s as simple as that, though it’s worth saying that if you want to learn how to write memoir and you ignore these, you do so at your own peril. Include them, and you can have that writing life you dream of. Omit them, and you risk writing and writing and writing without ever getting anyone else interested in your work. And who wants that?

So, what are they? I’ve got them right here. The three essentials to any piece of memoir. They are:

1. The answer to the question “What is this about?”
2. Your argument
3. The scenes from your life that you will deploy to prove that argument

What Is This About?

Knowing what your work is about means knowing the difference between your universal theme and your plot line. This is an essential distinction for anyone learning how to write memoir. Your essay/op-ed/book is about the first — a universal theme. The second, your plot line, is the story you tell to illustrate what big universal thing your story is about.

“Oh no,” you are saying right now. “My story is about me.” Not if you want anyone to read it, it’s not. It’s not about you. You’re there. You’re present. We could not do this without you. But you are not what the story is about. The story is about something universal and – and here you come – you are its illustration.

So what’s your story about? Go on, leave a comment below, and take a crack at it, and I’ll reply with some feedback.

What’s Your Argument?

Every piece of non-fiction is an argument. This does not mean that you are argumentative or that you have to scream, shout or implore in your piece. Simply put, your argument is what you know after something you’ve been through – say, that peace can be found in your own backyard, or that meditation really does slow down that monkey mind of yours, or that grief is a process that must be gone through slowly, or else you are destined to stay in it forever.

Just like people, arguments come in all shapes and sizes, as well as degrees of complexity. It does not matter how complex or simple you want to go since this is what you learned after what you’ve been through (see, I promised you a starring role in this piece of writing. Here it is). So, what did you learn in your first season of gardening, or after the death of your father; what did you come to believe in that life of faith, or that process of recovery after sexual assault? What are you willing to say to us, your grateful readers, about the experience?

This is where that tried and true expression comes into play, that one you’ve heard but never really understood. What is it? Write what you know. It does not mean that you give us a diary-like account of what you experienced. It means you show us what you learned.

How? Here’s how.

How to Prove your Argument

You prove that argument by showing – not telling – your way through your tale. You know this expression, as well – show, don’t tell – and it has flummoxed you, hasn’t it? Here is how this works. Show us a series of scenes from you being a total Type A personality, making fun of everyone who meditates. Then show us you, hyperventilating in the ER and having the doctor diagnose a panic attack. Then show us that same doctor offering you two things: Medication or a lifestyle change. Ooh! A choice. Sounds like the end of Act One to me (though that is a whole different blog post, one that includes a section on why memoir is best told in three acts).

Show us you making that choice. Maybe you take the drugs, get addicted, struggle with that and only then try meditation. Maybe you try it and that monkey mind of yours swirls and leaps and torques all over the place — that is, until one day you get just a little hit of serenity. And whammo! You’re hooked! Show us.

And then show us life with meditation. And guess what? You’ve proved your argument.

Easy as that. Simple as one, two, three. When learning how to write memoir, make sure to include these three memoir essentials and you will succeed. Leave them out and, well, you know what happens. And we can’t have that, now can we?

Want more instruction on how to write memoir? That’s what I do. I’m a memoir coach. I also teach memoir. I’d love to teach you more.

• Here is a post on how to define memoir, literally answering the question, “What is a memoir?”
• Here is a post on how to beat writer’s block
• Here is a link to my twenty top tips for writing memoir
• Here is a link to my five insanely simple steps to planning a book

Enjoy. And don’t forget to leave a comment below on what you think your memoir is about. I’ll be glad to help you tighten it up. Go on. I’d love to get you writing.

Looking for some online memoir writing classes? I’ve got those, as well.