KNOWING HOW TO WRITE dialogue when writing memoir does not require a great memory, or that you were carrying a notebook beginning when you were eight. Nope. Knowing how to write dialogue requires knowing your here-to-there of the story. How far are you going? What is the arc of your tale? Once you know that, you can choose what moments along that arc need to go in and which need to stay out. And then you know what it is your characters said that must be reported in your text. To show you how to manage this, I’ve asked Mark Berger, author of the gorgeous and newly-published memoir, Something’s Happening Here, to explain.
How to Write Dialogue in Memoir: Don’t Linger
by Mark Berger
In the autumn of 2012, when I enrolled in Marion Roach Smith’s memoir class, “Writing What You Know,” little did I realize how the popularity of the class would create two requirements that helped me discover my voice as a writer.
We met on Wednesdays from 6 to 9 p.m. and usually there were twenty students. This was not one of those creative writing classes where the left brain tells the right brain that the old brain has to get the new brain out of the way. No time for that.
Marion’s stated goal was to have each of us read a new story each week. So, that piece I’d been rewriting for years, well, that was over and done with after the first session. Now, I had a weekly deadline and it worked wonders for my writing. Over three years, I wrote 43 stories.
Having a roomful of students, all primed to read, means their stories can’t be too long. Marion set a 750 word limit. Period. So I developed a system to achieve both goals: producing a new story for each class and limiting that story to 750 words.
Before I started a story I spent time thinking it through. Did it start here and end there? Was I this and became that? In a word, did it have an arc? Did it have something to say?
Next I wrote as much as I could without stopping—kneading facts and feelings into the draft until it became too stiff to continue. The next day was an off day. The ingredients were allowed to interact; the yeast allowed to rise.
Drafts after drafts followed, usually eight or more, until I was close, 1,000 words. Every word had to earn its place on the page. Nothing extraneous was allowed to stay. I learned to love contractions and to view “that” with suspicion. But the most important discovery I made had to do with employing dialogue.
Unlike exposition, dialogue can’t linger. Another character is waiting to put in their two cents. Since this was memoir, I had a clear idea of how each character would sound and what they would say. Monologues and soliloquys were out.
One week I had the perfect idea. I would write three stories, Pink, Turtleneck, and After, that were almost all dialogue. Each one would highlight a different lowlight of my bumpy marriage. While the stories are each less than 200 words, they succinctly conveyed the problems we were having.
I’m proud to say the stories I began in Marion Roach Smith’s class formed the basis of my memoir, Something’s Happening Here: A Sixties Odyssey from Brooklyn to Woodstock, published by SUNY Press/ Excelsior Edition. Pink leads off the third section.
PINK
an excerpt
“Like ’em?” Deena asks.
“They’re very pink,” I reply.
“Very, that’s why I love ’em.”
“What about the ones you have?”
“They’re not pink.”
“Other than that they’re fine?”
“But, they’re not pink.”
“How much?”
“I knew you’d ask?”
“I kind of did too.”
“I work, y’know.”
“Me too.”
“I put in my share.”
“I put in everything.”
“They’re not returnable. Sometimes a girl just needs to get herself something pretty.”
“Sometimes we have to pay the rent.”
“Working in an office stinks. I want to learn a craft.”
“Look, I’m almost finished with college, working just about full-time, but no complaints. After all that crap we went through in Tennessee—I was so down on myself, but no more. Let’s just get through this, OK?”
“All I do is get on the subway, go to work, come home, eat, sleep, get on the subway, go to work. Thought pink eyeglasses would make me happy, maybe make you smile.”
“If they could do that, I’d buy myself a pair.”
January 1968
Author bio: Mark Berger lived most of his life near Prospect Park in Brooklyn. He has driven a potato truck, been a real estate agent and worked as an elementary school teacher and guidance counselor. In 2012, he attended A Writing What you Know class taught by Marion, found his voice as a storyteller and discovered a memory trove of tales from his life in the 1960s that demanded to be told. Something’s Happening Here is his first book. He and his wife, composer Rain Worthington, live in upstate, New York. Mark can be reached on his website.
HOW TO WIN A COPY OF THE BOOK
I hope you enjoy Writing Lessons. Featuring well-published writers of our favorite genre, each installment takes on one short topic addressing how to write memoir.
It’s my way of saying thanks for coming by.
Love the author featured above? Did you learn something in the how-to? Then you’ve got to read the book. And you can. I am giving away one copy, and all you have to do to win is leave a comment below about something you learned from the writing lesson or the excerpt. I’ll draw winners at random (using the tool at random dot org) after entries close at midnight June 3, 2019. Unfortunately, only readers within the US domestic postal service can receive books.
Good luck!
George T. Parker says
Dialogue has to be concise, and every word has to have a purpose.
Mark Berger says
George,
I agree. Once I started substituting dialogue for exposition, where possible, then my stories moved quicker and less had to be explained. Had I written about this conversation, I might have included a description of the room we were in, what the day was like, but in dialogue, you jump right into the moment.
Kate Clabough says
Small stories can have big meaning.
Mark Berger says
It’s amazing how much meaningful content was loaded into most of the 750 word stories that got read in Marion’s “Writing What You Know” class. By the end of a semester, we had shared intimate details of our lives with what had been a group of strangers and were now comrades of a sort.
David Sofi says
“It’s sad that a chance to earn an enlightening book by Mark Berger ends at midnight, June third, is announced in an email posted May fifth,” he said.
“What’s wrong with that?” she asked.
“We read about it after the deadline. That’s not right!”
“We’re in May, dufus! June third is almost a month away.”
“Duh. I should have finished my first cup of coffee before opening Marion’s email.”
Mark Berger says
David,
Great response to my piece.
“Dufus” and “Duh” tells us reams about this relationship.
michelle says
Great dialog. We grasp the situation and wonder what’s coming next.
Mark Berger says
Michelle,
When I read this in class, I had a female classmate read my wife’s part and it worked.
I wanted the reader to ask themselves: how many of these conversations have the two of them had?
Rathin says
I really enjoyed the dialogue. This is a perfect example of how a complete STORY can be written through dialogue. The last few lines are simply awesome and sum it up beautifully.
Thank you, Mr. Marion Roach Smith for sharing this. God bless you.
Mark Berger says
Hi Rathin,
Thanks for your response to my piece. I wanted the reader to see while both of the characters may be right, how does being right help their relationship?
Sue Reynolds says
I love the idea of crafting one short piece after another – very short, every week. Talk about a no fear no excuses approach! And I also love this excerpt – I can already hear the tension and conflict between these two characters, their personality is already showing through in this brief piece of dialogue.
Mark Berger says
Hi Sue,
Elmore Leonard is one of my favorites. I love the way he has scenes take place in some nondescript diner, because not only is it the kind of place his characters frequent, but also because he doesn’t have to describe it.
In this scene, it doesn’t matter where we are, what we look like, how we’re dressed, except, of course, one of us is wearing a new pair of pink eyeglasses.
DeWayne Mason says
Remember to take the reader somewhere in your life, as in from here to there.
Mark Berger says
DeWayne,
You’re right. If the story begins and ends at the same place, for example, the character can’t make up his mind and at the end he still can’t, we haven’t taken the reader anywhere. But if he makes up his mind but the universe conspires to have his plans backfire, then when he’s back where he started, well, who doesn’t know how that feels.
Mark
RJ Walraven says
“That and which are my two biggest bugaboos.”
“But sometimes you have to use those words.”
“I don’t think so. You can always rewrite the sentence without either.”
“That’s what I’m going to do from now on. But I’m not sure which one to start with.”
Mark Berger says
RJ,
Sometimes I think they sneak on a page when we’re not looking. There are times when it’s not worth going through the effort to rearrange a sentence. The word that’s got my attention now is “just.” John Lennon advised Paul to leave it out of a song, because “just is a word that doesn’t do anything.”
Miriam Russell says
Mark’s advice left me with some lingering regret that I didn’t do more dialog, but it also reassured me that the parts I wrote thick with dialog were the best.
Mark Berger says
Miriam,
I think the more you write dialogue, the more confidence you will have in it, the easier it will come. Especially if you know the characters well. For me, I need a strong sense of how they sound and what they would say.
Martha M says
Concise. Spare. Touch of suspense/momentum—we don’t even know what the pink thing is for some time! Voices (or sides) so clear, reader never confused about who is speaking.
Mark Berger says
Martha,
At first I had the eyeglasses up front. Then I thought it would be more suspenseful if I had them at the end and it does. Readers like to guess what’s ahead, we can help them.
Mark Berger says
Martha,
This has been a good day. The Albany Times Union included my memoir in a Recommended Reading article today. A picture of the bookcover was on the front page of Unwind, the entertainment section.
My website has purchase links. I’ll be reading in NYC on Saturday, May 11 and in Albany on May 16.
Lindy says
Dialogue can’t linger.
Love that.
Looking forward to reading Mark’s book
Mark Berger says
Lindy,
This has been a good day. The Albany Times Union included my memoir in a Recommended Reading article today. A picture of the bookcover was on the front page of Unwind, the entertainment section.
My website has purchase links. I’ll be reading in NYC on Saturday, May 11 and in Albany on May 16.
Mark
Carolyne says
I love dialogue. You’re immediately put in the story, listening to the conversation, and discovering the complexity of the characters. In this example you learn quickly the dynamics of these two people and can pick up on the underlying cracks in the relationship all through pink glasses.
Mark Berger says
Carolyne,
I love dialogue too. I remember taking a photography course and the teacher said, “if you want people to look at your pictures, put people in them. People like looking at people.”
Same principle here. People like hearing other people talk. We’re all experts in having conversations and trying to make sense of the deeper cues our words contain.
Mark
Stephanie Netzer says
The last sentence illuminated how dialogue can allow the author a platform to espouse personal philosophy or ideals and remain in context of the story.
Mark Berger says
Stephanie,
In my memoir writing it strive to be honest about myself. Why else do it? In this section of the book, entitled Back to Brooklyn, we return to the borough after a tough time in Tennessee and try to get ourselves back on the same page. There were no heroes or villains here, just two people trying to find a way.
Stephanie Netzer says
I thought you did an excellent job with this dialogue, revealing so much in tiny details. I just picked up on the sentiment that “ if things could be so easily fixed” and thought it very true, for life, in general. I think it’s very difficult at times to write honestly and sneak in our deeper perspectives. I noticed it because I’d like to be able to write that way. I will be looking forward to reading the entire book!
Cynthia Copple says
Who are these people, I ask as I hear them speaking. What do they want? Where is this going? Leaving out details can engage the reader in figuring it out by adding elements from their own life. Very engaging.
Also, I like short stories that start one place and end some place else. I didn’t realize that until you named it.
Thanks for the lessons.
Mark Berger says
Cynthia,
If the story doesn’t take the reader somewhere they are better staying home. For me, I think it works better to let the reader imagine what the characters look like, how they dress, etc. They become engaged by bringing their ideas into the story.
Mark
ronalafae thapa says
I needed this right now. Dialogue can make or break a manuscript. Since I am doing a book containing memories over twenty years ago I worry about legalities of “non fiction” accuracy in dialogue.
Mark Berger says
Ronalafae,
If what you have your characters say is consistent with your memory of them and how they might have acted or what they might have said, then that’s the best you can do. I hope if some of the readers of my memoir are the characters themselves, they’ll think, “That sounds like me.”
If you are worried about the legal implications of what you say about someone, have an editor or lawyer review your work.
Mark
Mary Scott says
The story, the emotion, the frustrations of each would have required several ineffective paragraphs.
Love revelation of the pink object coming late in the dialogue. So much angst over eyeglasses… Really? In the 60s I was rather fetching in pink eyeglasses.
Mark Berger says
Mary,
I held off identifying the article in part to build suspense. Readers like to guess and here they have an opportunity to do so. Also, if I mention the object — eyeglasses, shoes, whatever — people might have their own associations with such an object and instead of reading on, they might stop and to remember those cool, high cut, pink Converse sneakers they used to own, instead of staying with Deena and me.
Mark
Kathleen Tumminello says
This was wonderful and eye-opening. Now I’ve challenged myself to write a couple of short stories using just dialogue.
“I need to go now,” she said.
“Why? I thought you were staying for dinner?”
“I was, but now I have an idea.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I have a story in my head and it can’t wait for dinner.”
Mark Berger says
Kathleen,
There you go. I suggest you insert who’s saying what once in a while, so the reader doesn’t stop reading to figure it out.
Mark
Sharon says
Terse dialogue requires few tags and paints the state of a relationship to perfection.
Mark Berger says
Sharon,
When it’s good, it boils things down to the essence.
Mark
Amy Mak says
This: “I put in everything.” was a real stick-me-in-the-gut moment. It conveys SO MUCH without actually saying SO MUCH and for me as a reader, is just smashing.
Question – it’s memoir so it’s true, but b/c of time/memory/brain the dialogue you remember will differ from the other person’s account. How to reconcile? Do you go with how you remember the conversation and leave it at that? Do you worry about getting it “exactly” right?
Loved the excerpt – and congrats on publication!
Mark Berger says
Amy,
Thanks for the kind words.
In this case I know the characters intimately. I know how they talk, how they think. I remember this interchange. Since memory isn’t perfect, all I can do is come as close to the emotional truth as I can. And for me, the emotional truth involves me portraying myself as honestly as possible. There are no angel nor any villains here, just two people having a hard time finding their way together.
Mark
Jennifer Robinson says
How hard was it to leave the dialogue tags off? Kill your darlings, they say. The tags are my darlings.
Mark Berger says
Jennifer,
Most the time “say” or “asked” is all you need. Readers should be able to fill in their own take on how something is being said.
But when I read one of my story aloud, sometimes I can hear that I need to be more specific–someone has to “insist” or “whisper.” Used sparingly tags have a stronger impact.
In this piece I wanted the conversation to move quickly without any interruptions, so I defined the speakers in the first exchanges and let it roll.
Mark
Susan Ely says
Brilliant! I need to incorporate this into my writing. Thanks!
Mark Berger says
Susan,
Once your get the hang of it, you’ll start using it instead of exposition. People love hearing other people talk.
Mark
diane says
A touch of dialogue makes a situation real
Mark Berger says
Diane,
We all talk. We don’t stand around describing things, at least not to other people. If it works, the reader will feel like an invisible guest in someone’s life. Isn’t that part of the pleasure of reading.
Mark
Alberta says
Congratulations, Mark, on having your memoir published by SUNY Press and on the wonderful blurbs.
Dialogue intimidates me in the same way that fiction does. It’s more imaginative. Your excerpt beautifully captures how you can move the story forward without narration. Hitchcock could do the same thing with a camera by zeroing in on shots that portrayed the story without having to explain anything more to the audience.
Mark says
Hi Alberta,
Since we spend a good portion of our lives talking with one another, I think writing dialogue may be less daunting than it seems. I aim to capture the simple ways people communicate deeper feelings. The more natural the pacing and the language, the more real dialogue seems. If you’re not a Elmore Leonard fan, I suggest you pick up any of his books to see how he moves the plot along while his characters are sitting at a table in a diner sipping coffee.
Mark
Linda Lee - Lady Quixote says
Riveting dialogue. Great title, too. I can’t even think of the title without the lyrics playing in my head: “There’s something happening here, what it is ain’t exactly clear…” Oh, yeah.
What did I learn from this how-to? I learned that I have to read this book. ;)
By the way, my husband was born in Brooklyn in 1949. At age 9, his family moved to Stat Island. He went to Nam as a Marine. It wasn’t a good time.
We live in New Mexico now. But not on a commune. :D
Mark says
Linda Lee,
Thanks for the kind words.
My book is available from SUNY Press, Amazon, B&N, and wherever cool books are sold.
Let me know how you like the full memoir.
Peace,
Mark
Stacy Wessel says
What I learned: that every married couple at one time or another has said, “Let’s just get through this, ok?” I may not win a copy of the book, but I felt the connection between writer and reader. That’s the whole point.
Mark says
Stacy,
I am glad my story touched you. As it is memoir, that’s the way it went down. This story woke me in the middle of the night and basically said, “Tell me.” And I have.
Mark
Maggie Yoest says
Thank you Mark. You’ve encouraged me to work on my dialogue. It really gets to the heart of things in a short essay.
Mark says
Maggie,
Try it, I think you’ll like it.
Mark
What's Your Story, USA says
Wait! No ‘he said/she said’?! :)
This sample illustrates the power of words and HOW so few words can make a BIG statement. Readers are smart and don’t need to be told HOW something was said, it’s so evident here:
“Sometimes we have to pay the rent.”
Nicely done!
~ What’s Your Story, USA
Mark says
What’s your story, USA,
I agree with your comment that we should trust the reader to understand. We all talk, so we all know how some words sound together, like the words you quoted. “Sometimes we have to pay the rent.” or just prior quote, Deena says, “Sometimes a girl just needs to get herself something pretty.”
That’s the way it went down. There are no villains or angels here, it’s the two of us trying to make our way together.
naomi says
I am a theater artist. Your dialogue scene made me think of playwright David Mamet’s short scenes. David Mamet’s scenes can take on any location or feeling depending on the character intentions.
I identified with your dialogue. I felt the tension. I naturally thought of it as a good acting scene for theater students. The scene can be played as it is written, or it can be over the top comedy. It would be fun to try it out with actors.
I will practice writing weekly dialogue stories limited at 750 words. Thank you for the good idea.
Mark says
Naomi
You’re welcome to play with it and let me know how it goes. This piece was one of four in my book that are almost entirely dialogue. I hope you get a copy of my memoir, enjoy it, and see how these dialogues work in a theater setting.
Mark
BJ says
Learning to be suspicious of “that”s was a great line! I often struggle with saying too much, more than I need to (see!). I would have added all this “scenery” to that dialogue, but damn, that was powerful with just those short sentences!
This book is definitely on my list now!
Mark says
Hi BJ,
I am a believer in Elmore Leonard’s advice: Leave out the stuff readers skip. I think you’ll find my stories are action and dialogue driven with only descriptions only when needed. Why not take one of your stories and pare it down and see if it reads more easily and makes the point you want to make.
Mark
Lorie says
I enjoyed the dialogue from PINK so much. Tight and revealing. It inspired dialogue I went on to write in a current scene as I work on my memoir manuscript.
I look forward to reading your book.
Thanks!
Mark says
Lorie,
Thanks for the kind words. My stories are action and dialogue driven, they are fun to read. I hope you enjoy my memoir.
Mighty Xee says
Well, after just reading the first six pages of my true story adventure two days ago – for the first time – to my children’s book writer’s group, I came to a screeching halt.
(An editor had suggested I move the afterward’s back material to the front to give the reader context and I was testing it out).
But the group ( and I) had serious doubts about the wisdom of doing so. They felt I should “just get to the story”.
So, I learned about this post!
Since the group, I’d been feeling like “oh no, I have to start again… wtf!”.
Hopefully your blog will be an online source for additional insight.
Meantime, I’m searching for a local adult writer’s critique group up here in Amherst.
Mark says
I hope my brief article helps.
This story comes almost midway in the memoir, so readers already know both characters and what they have been through.
But the argument they are having is universal and I think it could stand by itself if I removed the specificity of “Tennessee” and made it more general.
I like jumping right in, it engages the reader by getting them to figure out what’s going on.
Good luck with your book.
Mighty says
Many thanks Marion!