The First Step in Telling a Story
COVID HAS US ALL STREAMING, WATCHING and re-watching our favorite shows. In that rewatching you have a marvelous opportunity to learn huge lessons about writing memoir. How? Because you probably remember the plot of each piece, which frees you up, this time through, to look for lessons in how the writers cue you to what the story is about. After all, the first step in telling a story is knowing what that story needs to say.
In my COVID binge, I have spent a considerable amount of time not only watching, but arguing with people about Fleabag. I’ll leave it to you whether or not you like the show, but specifically the argument I keep having centers on what the show is about.
As a memoir coach and book editor, I speak to writers about this topic all day long, and always suggest that the first step to telling a story is to consider what it might be about. You’ve got the tale in your head, after all. You know the details. What is it about? That’s the key to making it work.
Fleabag gives us a fine place to have this discussion, though before you get all up and angry — which, for some reason, people seem to do on the topic of this show — let me short-circuit this here by saying that the show is no more about a woman behaving badly than Moby Dick is about a big, old, white fish.
If knowing what your tale is about is the first step in telling a story, that consideration is of prime importance. I would argue that knowing what your work is about is the difference between getting it done and never finishing it, the difference between having readers and not, the big kahuna, the whole enchilada, the whale of the thing — and that it’s one you can master.
Simply put, your first step in telling a story is to establish the difference between your universal theme and your plot line. This is an essential distinction for anyone learning how to write memoir. Your essay/op-ed/book is about the first — a universal theme. The second, your plot line, is the story you use to illustrate what big universal thing your story is about.
“Oh no,” you are saying right now. “My story is about me.” Not if you want anyone to read it, it’s not. It’s not about you. You’re there. You’re present. We could not do this without you. But you are not what the story is about. The story is about something universal and – and here you come – you are its illustration.
What is Fleabag about? Grief. Her behavior stems from her grief and not the other way around. Haven’t seen the show? Try it now with that lens on the end of your nose and see if it gets you past what some people object to — her behavior. Try it now and think back to your own grief and what you did. Never slept around? Okay. Never behaved badly? Okay. What did you do? We’ve all been in grief. Hold that in your heart and think about the ways you would show that grief if you wanted to be mind-shreddingly honest about grief and how it directs us until we get out of its grip.
So what’s your story about? And how would you illustrate that idea? Go on, leave a comment below, take a crack at it, and I’ll reply with some feedback.
photo credit: Amazon.com
Marion,
I’ve been struggling recently to pin down what exactly my memoir is about, because I believe it is about many things that have a tendency to overlap. My working argument: You will spend your life seeking fulfillment from others if you do not find it within yourself, as illustrated by my attempts to find fulfillment from God and the men in my life throughout high school and college.
While reflecting about how the transformation occurred from that point forward, I noticed parallels in how I essentially lumped God and the self together. When I rejected myself, I rejected God, but began to essentially worship the men in my life as I was instructed to worship God growing up because I was searching for the fulfillment I should have derived from myself in others. I could also seeing my argument being about the rejection of self, but that might fit under the umbrella of my working argument?
I might be overthinking, as I have a tendency to do. Insight would be greatly appreciated :)
Dear Autumn,
Welcome.
You are doing hard work here.
Good for you.
As a result of that hard work, your argument is strong as is stated in that first paragraph.
Now think of what scenes you would use to illustrate knowing what you now know.
We all overthink. No worries there.
But try illustrating that first argument and its the scenes in order and see what you’ve got.
It sounds good.
Best,
Marion
Thank you so much for your feedback! Reading through your blog posts has been a great source of help for me, and I look forward to taking a class of yours soon.
You are most welcome, Autumn.
My memoir is about my observations of my husband’s management and struggle with PTSD. We married not long after his diagnosis. I learned the hard way the symptomatology and stressors. My universal theme is about survival. His and mine. My struggle, besides the rewrite I’m doing, is what timeframe to use, where to end, while our story is still evolving, still providing insights and hope for veterans and their families. Thank you for your illustration.
Dear Elizabeth,
Good for you for telling your tale.
I encourage you to heighten that “what is this about” factor and make it universal.
The way I define memoir, it is about what you know after something you’ve been through.
So, of those astute observations of your husband’s management and struggle, what it the one big roof under which all those other observations live?
For me, as a caregiver of 15 years for my mother’s Alzheimer’s disease, my caregiving knowledge is now that caregiving is all about boundaries. Learning it, well, that’s the story.
Make sense?
Hope so.
Best,
Marion
Marion,
‘Thank you for responding to my post and “yes”, it does make sense. I am grateful for all the insights you provide. Thank you, again.
Elizabeth
First, I’d just like to say thank you for your expertise. I’m super excited to try memoir after reading that it isn’t about me. My life is rather mundane, however, using my experiences as an illustration for a theme is interesting. My story is about the pitfalls of sexual impurity as illustrated through workplace harassment, lost love, and psychiatric ward harassment, all which may have resulted from a lack of self-esteem in regards to sexuality. I’m looking forward to uncovering this further as I write.
Dear Anna,
Exactly right: Your experiences are the illustration. Good for you for getting this right.
Memoir is not about what you did. Memoir is about what you did with it.
Write well, and come back for more. There are hundreds of thousands of words here on this site to guide you. Start by reading through the blog. Enjoy.
Best,
Marion