DOES YOUR MEMOIR ASK A QUESTION, or do you need to create one? Although I’ve been teaching memoir for more than a quarter-century, as well as working as a memoir coach, I recently had a new insight into the work that I must share with you. It has to do with the fact that all memoir writing asks a question. That’s right. All memoirs – whether a book, an article or an essay – needs to ask and answer a question. Intrigued? Read on.
My insight developed because I recently was invited to interview Huma Abedin live onstage at an event for several hundred people sponsored by The New York State Writers Institute. It was both a real honor and enormous fun, but it turned out to be more important as a learning experience.
To prepare for the interview, I read Huma’s fine memoir, Both/And, A Life in Many Worlds. About halfway through reading this thoughtful and candid book, I was suffused with a sense of wonder at what she was doing in the pages – and unexpectedly gifted with an insight that might help you successfully write your own book-length memoir.
Some memoirs contain a built-in question that the reader quickly and easily identifies. For example: How will this person ever sober up? How is that person ever going to recover from sexual abuse? How can that Type-A maniac ever find peace? In these books, the set-up and payout is a relatively simple matter that you might consider a call and response. You call out the question in Act One, explore the struggle to find the cure in Act Two and show us life after the cure in Act Three. Question asked and answered.
All Memoir Writing Asks a Question
If you are famous, as Huma Abedin is (though perhaps for the wrong reasons, as you’ll see upon reading the book), your memoir might be a simple, direct response to the question that readers have about you. In her case, she knew she needed to address this question: How in the world did she survive the treachery of her husband, and do so on such a public stage? You enter the book with that question in mind. Yes, she is Hillary Clinton’s chief of staff, a job she rose to hold after joining the then-First Lady’s team as a White House intern. But few people are as interested in the remarkable experiences she had, and the insights she developed – through her time in the White House, on the U.S. Senate staff, as a top aide to the Secretary of State, and then in a presidential campaign – as they are in the horribly public way that her marriage exploded.
My new insight about the need for a question when writing memoir began to emerge when I noticed that Huma does not even mention her ex-husband until well into the book. She could easily have opened the book with the public humiliation she experienced – because a dramatic scene might have been a way to capture readers’ interest quickly. Indeed, the book reveals myriad scenes of betrayal and exposure. But Huma chose to begin instead with a deep history – details of her parents, who they were and what she learned from them, as well as more about her Muslim upbringing and strong personal beliefs, her education, and more. Why? Because she is arguing that everything she has on her went into not merely surviving but thriving after the betrayal of her husband. All that she is, the book makes clear, was on her all the time, and she called upon it, deploying her skills as she endured her trauma. That is the book’s argument: that you have on you what you need to meet life’s challenges.
Two Types of Memoirs, But Both Must Ask The Question
Huma Abedin’s question was born of where she ended up after a series of events in her life. This is the case in many celebrity memoirs, as the reader wants to know how someone became a great songwriter, or how someone else became a Supreme Court justice or an accomplished athlete. With our question in mind in every page we write, we know that we must reveal the details that paved the road to answering that universal question. And that’s true of memoirs of not just famous writers, but for memoirs with such clear questions as how the writer achieves sobriety or overcomes abuse. Readers want to witness the transcendence.
But for every memoir writer who comes with a built-in question, there are just as many of us writing a second type of memoir: those for which a question must be formulated. This second group of writers struggle harder, but the results can be no less compelling.
For those who have not got a built-in question – about a habit that must be changed or an addiction that must be quit, a challenge to overcome or a burden to shed – a different form of inquiry must be set into motion. The question the memoir may need to ask and answer might be considered more cosmic or elusive.
One such question might be, “Is closure a myth?” What about, “Can a dog really teach us what skills we lack to live in the world?” In these cases, the writer must present a book opener that provokes the reader’s interest to know what challenge we faced, what skills we did and did not have to face it, and what life was like after we got those skills we needed to move on. Specifically, these writers must locate the question, pose it in Act One, pursue its answers in Act Two, and show what life is like after the resolution in Act Three.
Having a Question Makes Writing the Book Far Easier
In either model – whether the question supplies itself or must be created – the very existence of that question will help you succeed as a writer. You’ll be better able to avoid what I frequently call the Monday-Tuesday-Wednesday version of one’s life. Both types of memoirs – those that come with a built-in question and those for which we must create a question – benefit from having this question firmly in mind as we write, since not understanding what question we are asking and answering leaves writers too likely to stuff in everything they remember, as opposed to addressing the question at hand.
The question, therefore, is tantamount to your success. It will help you sort through and curate correctly, as you choose which details support your story and which are extraneous.
The Three Tools of Memoir
The way I currently teach memoir, I put three tools in everyone’s toolbox: The algorithm, the argument and the plotline. And when asked how to choose which details go into the story, I always remind the writer that you are proving an argument and that the details are like beads on an abacus that must add up to that argument.
I think it’s time to expand the toolbox I teach to include this fourth handy accessory: the question you are asking. For everyone who has ever struggled to come up with an argument, this idea of the question you ask and answer should precede choosing that argument. If you know what you are asking and answering in your memoir, you will be better equipped to shape your argument. For example: “Is closure possible?” might be something you dangle in front of the reader in Act One, only to ultimately argue in Act Three that closure is a myth.
So: What question are you asking and answering, and is it implied, and readily apparent? Or do you need to create it for the reader in the Act One?
Sometimes the Question Comes From Elsewhere
I’m kind of surprised that I missed this all these years but, as we say, better late than never. After all, my first book, which chronicled my mother’s descent into Alzheimer’s disease at age 49, was written when I was a 27-year-old grieving daughter who was neither famous nor came fully formed with a cosmic question to answer. I was woefully ill-equipped for the task when I got my first book contract, and it wasn’t until I saw some promotional copy written by Houghton Mifflin for the book that I really understood what I was assigned to do.
On the day that the copy arrived, I was still writing the book. As I took time out to read the copy, a line emerged that changed my work – something about how loving and letting go are part of the same experience. “Are they?” I wondered. They are. If you love, at some point you’ll need to let go. At 27, I was not yet aware of that, nor was I going to go gracefully into that idea. My father had just died and my mother was losing her mind in handfuls to an illness I did not understand and for which there was no help at the time.
Yet that little phrase in the promotional copy asked a question of me as I read it, one that informed my writing from that moment on, that became the question that I realized the book had to answer. And the book got finished.
So apparently, I’ve had this idea on me for a long time, though only recently did it come to the forefront of my mind as potentially fundamental to my work as a teacher of memoir.
Ask yourself, then: Does your memoir have a built-in question, or do you need to come up with one, and answer it in the work you’re doing? That, my writer friends, is the question of the hour.
Want more help? I am a memoir coach, memoir teacher and memoir editor. Come see me in any one of my online classes.
Memoirama: Live, 90 minutes. Everything you need to write what you know.
Memoirama 2. Live, two hours. Limited to seven writers. What you need to know to structure a book.
How to Write Opinion Pieces: Op-eds, Radio Essays and Digital Commentary: Live, 90 minutes. Get your voice out into the world.
And keep in mind that I am now taking names for the upcomingMaster Class, the prerequisites for which are Memoirama and Memoirama 2. It’s live, once a month, and limited to seven writers who are determined to get a first draft of their book-length memoir finished in six months.
Photo by Matt Walsh on Unsplash
Colleen Golafshan says
Thank you, Marion, for another great post with your new insight.
Wow, this helps me as I seek the best of possible ways to structure my parenting memoir with a working title, ‘Am I A Good Mother – Reframing Painful Memories Frees Me & Draws My Children Closer’.
The question I’m seeking to answer for myself is obvious in the title. I can almost tell who is a mother from the responses I get from the title. Almost without exception, a mother applies this to herself, and may even tell me how she comes up short in her own mind. My answer, as I understand from continuing to write my first draft: here’s some ways I’m redeeming my faulty parenting which you may find helpful.
Thank you for continuing to share your posts, podcasts and other information. All help me as I continue to write and seek to market my book to my readers.
Warm regards,
Colleen Golafshan
Susan Goewey says
Somewhere I read this comforting thought: If you ask yourself “Am I a Good Mother?” that means you probably are because you are self-aware enough to ask the question
Also comforting: “good enough is perfect” and perfectionism is in the DSM because it is an impossible goal … anyway
Motherhood is so hard and I do like your theme Am I A Good Mother? It reminds me of that final line in the King and I (movie) Deborah Kerr, “I don’t know if any man is a Good King, but God knows this one TRIED.”
Some mothers are better than others of course but the big thing is to keep trying…
and yes REFRAMING … so important to help us learn and grow and keep from falling into a pit of despair over so many of life’s lessons and difficulties.
Best of luck telling your (our) story … we’re all faulty parents!
Colleen Golafshan says
Thanks, Susan, for your encouraging thoughts and reflections on the question I’m posing in my parenting memoir, ‘Am I A Good Mother?’
Colleen Golafshan says
Thanks, Susan, for your encouraging thoughts and reflections on the question I’m considering in my memoir, ‘Am I A Good Mother?’
Amanda Harding says
There is a single line in my manuscript, “Amanda, this is a gift!” I have not known what to make of this for a long time as I do the hard work of writing. Today, it has meaning. Is it a gift? Was it a gift?
I’ll see you in Memoirama this Thursday! So excited!!
marion says
Dear Amanda,
Nicely done.
Write well, stay in touch and let us hear how it goes.
Best,
Marion
KathleenMK says
Hello Marion ~
I am glad I was lead to your post(s).
This has been very helpful. Your penning helped me to see that my current WIP – “My Life In The Dark” – will answer questions and inspire others via the course of events I lay out.
Thank you for sharing this. I look forward to reading and learning more.
Sincerely,
Kathleen
marion says
Dear Kathleen,
I am delighted you are here.
Welcome.
Thanks for the kind words.
Write well, and let us know when the book is out.
And please come back soon.
Best,
Marion
DeWayne Mason says
Hello Marion,
Great post. It made me analyze my work (“Pitching Pygmalion: A Friend, Magical Seasons, and Baseball’s Greatest Miracle”), as you may recall, and prompted a question: Can a memoir contain more than a single question, or do you think that potentially dilutes the focus of the work? For example, might it be that a question is posed at both an external plot level (will the protagonist reach his obsessive lifelong goal?) and an internal level (will the protagonist realize his more important need to bring balance to his life?). And, similar to themes, do you think there can be secondary questions? I wonder if, in my book, where I’m trying to intertwine a question about the tensions created by extremely high expectations, I might be trying to do too much.
Keep up the great work. Hope we can connect in October for your next review of my WIP. Thanks for all your help throughout.
Sincerely,
DeWayne
marion says
Dear DeWayne,
I think lots of little questions nest within the one large question of every memoir, in the same way one big universal argument is composed of individual moments of awareness.
Hope that helps.
Write well.
Best,
Marion
Neil Larkins says
Quite provocative, Marion! But in a good way. So… after nearly eight years, I finish my memoir, The Last Time You Fall: Three Weeks When Love Meant Everything and Acceptance Meant More, having seen that sub-title before my eyes thousands of times. I’ve thought, OK, I have and state my theme. Theme is the most overarching aspect. Others who have read that title have said the same thing, “Good, you have a theme.” Now I should ask, But do I have a question? And if I have a question, do I have an answer?
Perhaps I could rephrase my sub-title to read “Did three weeks mean everything, and did acceptance mean more?” Kinda clunky, but you get the idea.
I have a third option: dump that part altogether. A former agent who has a massive blog/forum/tutorial website critiqued my query on this story and said I should eliminate the subtitle. Too long , too vague, and doesn’t help tell what the story is.
Sigh.
Now what? Well, I like that subtitle and am going to keep it because I think it does a good job of stating the theme
The trouble is…
That doesn’t tell me if I have a question. I believe I have several questions: 1. Will I (first protag) ever find the answer to how I could meet someone and not meet that person? A bit long, and doesn’t permeate the whole story. 2. Will Teresa (second protag) be able to rise above the prejudice and discrimination she has encountered at this college? Permeates the story more, but does not apply to both protags. This, and a few lesser questions, illustrates the complexity of the story but to me is acceptable. Makes for more interesting reading. (And, yes, I realize I take the risk of making the story cumbersome, but I believe I have woven in enough interesting and – here it is again – provocative material to keep it compelling.
Thanks for stimulating my creative juices today, Marion.
marion says
Dear Neil,
Thanks for checking in.
My suggestion – going on what little I have here to inform me – is to try asking a universal question, and not a personal one.
It might elevate the whole the story.
Memoir is about something universal and you are the illustration of that universal — not the other way around.
See if you can come up with the universal answer to “what is this about?”
Write well.
Best,
Marion
Susan Goewey says
“Ask yourself, then: Does your memoir have a built-in question, or do you need to come up with one, and answer it in the work you’re doing? That, my writer friends, is the question of the hour.”
I see why you were so excited to realize this… Thanks as always for sharing your eurekas with us….
Once again you have explained to me –in an accessible way–what makes compelling memoir …
This insight explains WHY I was always so drawn to first person narratives (magazine article features like LHJ’s: Can this marriage be saved? and Redbook’s: My problem and HOW I solved it.) …. “research is me-search”
Curiosity grabs us and Questions spark our curiosity…
Looking up at my book shelf I can see how Big Questions apply to my favorite books (including self-help books that are also memoir):
The road less traveled (Life is difficult, WHY do we expect it to be easy? solving problems is hard but that is what makes us GROW …avoiding solving our problems makes them even harder to solve…do we want to whine about our problems or solve them? How does M. Scott Peck solve HIS problems and help others as a psychiatrist? )
The Happiness Project (what did she do and why? did it succeed? can you really make yourself happier by calling it “a project”? By WRITING about it? HOW? )
A long way Home (How did Sroo Brierley EVER manage to find his way back home 2 decades after a train carried him–as an illiterate 5 year old– thousands of miles away from his home in India and after he was adopted by and Australian couple? Answer: Google Earth and by plumbing every single childhood memory he had. Was his mother still alive?? How had the lives of his siblings turned out?
Bossy Pants: How did Tina Fey get that scar, how did she know how to do that Sarah Palin impression so well? But most of all, how did she make it from my alma mater (UVA) to 2nd City to SNL, Mean Girls, etc etc etc?
Pioneer Girl to Little House books? What was the real story behind the idealized children’s books of Laura Ingalls Wilder? Was her marriage to Almanzo as ideal as she portrayed? Rose became a writer first … how did she help Laura?
Beverly Cleary (Girl from Yamhill and My Own Two Feet) where and how did she go from unhappy single child to librarian to beloved children’s author
Carly Simon Boys in the Trees What really happened with James Taylor? Mick Jagger? Her father’s publishing company? Her sisters act? Why did she call herself the homely sister?
Stormy Daniels How does a smart girl like you end up a porn star? Help bring down a president (sorta) and get his lawyer to flip to Congress?
Personal History … how does poor little rich girl raised by a nanny survive the suicide of her husband, the dismissals of men (including All the Presidents Men) who didn’t believe she could successfully run the Washington Post? How did she overcome self-doubt and end up the most powerful woman in Washington who could stand up to teamsters who tried to stop the presses?
Tom Shadyac “What’s wrong with the world and what can we do about it?” (The truth and fear dialogues by the director of comedies like Liar, Liar and Ace Ventura and the thoughtful documentary I AM about his near death experience and giving up his mansion and staff for a modest trailer home and a life of philanthropy to help the homeless. )
Saving Graces by Elizabeth Edwards “How can a mother survive the loss of her beloved 17 year old son? AND cancer? And a husband’s VP campaign”
How (do you) win friends and Influence People? Dale Carnegie (who doesn’t want more friends and influence??)
Quiet by Susan Cain “How can introverts excel in a world created for extroverts?
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone? Lori Gottlieb … can she apply everything she’s learned as a psychologist to overcome her own broken heart? How does her therapist help her ? How can she help others when she’s so broken herself? Will her cast of characters be able to connect with her and learn and grow and figure out how to solve their problems?
So much problem solving!!
Memoir question that is universal: y* illustrated by x(examples) told in a z (article/blogpost/book) (with the Y literally being a WHY or How or other W question/universal truth/problem/experience)
Thinking/writing out loud here , sorry if I didn’t get your equation exactly right … I do struggle trying to STRUCTURE my memoir writing …
thanks again :)
Jane says
Fascinating article, Marion. Did you ask Huma if she wrote with that question in mind? My question about her life would be a different one: How did she end up marrying and then sticking by her husband for so long? I take for granted that smart, strong women will survive; what I find more perplexing are the choices they make in their personal lives that seem to defy good sense.
That’s one way, I suppose, that non-celebrities have a leg up in the memoir world–zero reader expectations!
If you already have a good argument, it seems quite easy to work backward to develop a question. But if you’re stuck on an argument, the question could be a great path to finding it. The way I understand it, the question speaks to the tension/suspense of the story. Will the protagonist ever achieve/overcome/recover/discover? I think it’s a great device to remind ourselves that our memoirs should be revelatory and include some element of mystery and suspense.