WRITE IT DOWN. I tell this to my memoir students all the time. Carry a notebook, index cards, write on your hands if you must, but write it down. Here’s the best writing advice you can get: Keep a notebook when writing memoir. Keep notebooks in car, next to your side of the bed, in the kitchen; tuck an index card into your back pocket, jacket pocket, jeans pocket. And carry a pen. And they do, and then right around the third class, someone asks, “Write what down?” Ah, what good students. I was waiting for that. Were you?
I’m always grateful when the question is asked. After 30 years of teaching, thousands of students and more than 130 books on my shelf of those who have published working with me, you’d think I might be tired of it, but I never am, because what we write down versus what we do not need to write down is an important distinction you must grasp to capture what the piece is really about.
The first thing to know is just because someone is going to dispute it, does not mean you don’t write it down. My sister, Margaret Roach, and I have lots of topics on which we do not agree. We’ve disputed one another’s facts. She even thinks I make things up and that I have done so ever since I had an imaginary friend. No matter. We write things down, she and I. Always have.
How do we keep a notebook? What do we write? Key phrases, the look of a room, bits of dialogue are good places to start. For instance, many of us enjoy (endure?) what I call “the high emotional holy days” of the year, as defined (by me) as those during which we got together with family. Ah, family. Why have them if you can’t write about them? My sister and I have felt this way since birth. Right, Margaret?
I am always taking notes. I file them when I get home. I retrieve them either when I have the time, or I see a good decline approaching, always checking The Memoir Project Interactive Deadline Calendar for the reminder of what is a month or more away and then writing the piece in time to submit it well before the date.
For instance, some years ago I wrote a piece about my daughter’s imaginary friend, doing so from the notes I had jotted down at a lovely Passover dinner hosted by a friend. What kinds of notes were in that notebook? For instance, to remind me what our host cooked, I wrote down, “homemade tortellini.” Why? That detail tells us that it was not traditional Passover fare that was served that night, and is important to the story, since it heightens and adds to the theme of the non-traditional. So: details. Details are good. But keep in mind that every single piece of memoir is both about something (the plot) and really about something (the argument). When in doubt, go for the details that heighten that argument.
Remember to keep a notebook when writing memoir. Write things down. Specifically, write down details of yearly events so that next year, as these days again approach, you’ll be essay-ready with your version of the tale. It was those notes of Passover at a friend’s gracious home that allowed me to share mine with you. Check out The Memoir Project Interactive Deadline Calendar to help you along with your advance planning.
In the interim, what’s in your notebook?
