How to Write About Yourself? Like This.
IF YOU GOOGLE “how to write about yourself,” you get some really bad answers to your inquiry. And that’s a shame, since Google reveals that the question has had sixty-two million hits, meaning that sixty-two million people are typing with the wrong ideas in mind. This would be particularly tragic for any memoir writer, since how to write about yourself is at the core of what we do.
Well, kind of. I mean if you know me at all, you know that right up there in my top tips for memoir writers is that memoir is not about you. It’s about something, and you are that something’s illustration. And right there, I disagree with pretty much everything I read in those top Google hits.
Setting out to write about ourselves we make tragic mistakes right from the get-go. First, we usually think that we are the topic at hand. We’re not, as I wrote above. And right now you might be scratching your head, wondering if I can give you an example of a new book that uses someone’s life story to illustrate something. You bet I can.
Let me introduce you to Sarah McBride, whose brand new book, Tomorrow Will Be Different, is very simply a must-read. You know this the minute it lands in your hands and you see the cover, where it is stated that the foreword is by Joe Biden. Flipping it over I see that her back cover blurbs are from United States Senator Kamal Harris; author and activist, Jennifer Finney Boylan; the president of Planned Parenthood, Cecile Richards and president of the Human Rights Campaign, Chad Griffin, and while I do not usually take a great deal of stock in blurbs or forewords, this time I did. That is an impressive group of people, particularly when you consider that the author is only a few years older than she was when she became the first transgender person to speak at a national political convention, which she did in 2016 at the age of twenty-six.
Sarah McBride’s journey from student body president at American University to being recognized as one of the leading voices in the progressive movement might seem short in years, but it carries in it the enormous breadth of the topic of voice – the struggle to have one, finding its correct pitch, its responsibilities, its privileges, its frustrations and how to use it for good. No, the book is not about her. She does not make any of the classic mistakes made by memoirists when figuring out how to write about herself. To me, it’s about the complexities of having and raising your voice, using her story to illustrate those points, and more, along the way.
Perhaps her first best decision was to choose a distinct timeline and to go only from here to there. In this case she begins with an opening scene of posting on Facebook her status as transgender when, as the outgoing student body president, she decided to tell her truth. She ends the book just after the inauguration of Donald Trump. Granted, for a thirty-year-old, that is a significant part of her life, but she cleverly brings from her past only what we need to know in regard to the story at hand. We learn only those things about her parents and her life as a child in Delaware that we need, including that at the time, as a transgender American, she could be denied or fired from a job in her home state solely based on her transgender status. We do not get her whole life. It’s not what the book is about. And in reading it, I was suffused with a great sense of joy at being in the hands of a fine storyteller whose command of her writing is as good as her command of her own, powerful voice.
Want to learn more? Read the book. Want to meet Sarah along the way of her book tour? You can. Want a free copy of this wonderful book? I am giving away two copies, and all you have to do is leave a comment below about something you learned on this blog about writing memoir. I’m interested to know what interests you.
HOW TO WIN A COPY OF THE BOOK
Giving away two copies of this book is my way of saying thanks for coming by.
I’ll draw winners at random (using the tool at random dot org) after entries close at midnight Monday, April 16, 2018. Unfortunately, only readers within the US domestic postal service can receive books.
Good luck!
This book (and all the accolades) looks amazing! I’d love to have a copy :)
Understanding that memoir is not about me but is about something else, illustrated by my experience, has opened up so much in my interior landscape. I see that what was mysterious and scary as a child is now understood, familiar and sometimes humorous.
Marion, as always, you remind us about what’s most important when writing our stories. In this case, that memoir resonates most with others when it’s about experiences they can relate to in some way. When it’s not about the author, but about the issues, the experiences, family, culture, and overcoming obstacles. Thanks for the reminder to keep our stories focused.
Thanks for this helpful article! I would love a copy of this book!
Thanks, as always, for this post. Books that sell address issues in the news, and also, when someone famous has their name on the cover and on the back, then more people are likely to read it! The author is a ground-breaker, and we all want to read about these people who take risks and are nationally known. All admirable!
Many people want to write memoir for different reasons. Sometimes they just want others they know (descendants, relatives, friends) to appreciate who they were/are, so they tell their own stories from their own perspective. These writers may not get published and that may not be their objective in the first place. Still, if you write, likely you want someone else to read it. So, it should be well-written. It’s key to be clear about your objectives in writing.
Thanks for the recommendation! I think your point about choosing a specific timeline is key. Many would-be memoirists, including myself, get overwhelmed at the prospect because everything that happens to us seems connected in some way—but being selective is a process that, while difficult, is akin to distilling its meaning.
Love that you do these reviews. Helps with which memoirs to read. Not writing now, working instead.
Sheila
Marion….your comments about this enticing book once again remind me that good memoir is about a point in time, from here to there. I will think about the photo’s you shared in the online class to represent this point….from then until now, your love for the water. Thank you!
I’m thrilled that I found you, your website, your classes. For over three years, my story has been brewing. It’s only recently I’ve felt enough distance from it, and now courage, to organize it in print. Prodded by the first point on your 12-minute audio: write with intent. Onward!
This is such a wonderful recommendation- I can’t wait to dive in (whether it’s a copy from you or my local library). I’ve always appreciated your list of books that teach you how to write memoir. I especially love that they aren’t your typical Anne Lamott/ Stephen King “how to” books on the craft, but rather examples of fantastic writing. Thank you for all the wisdom that you share on your site!
I was of what the book is about… not I assumed the the journey of becoming a transexual would be what the book is about, so was surprised by Marion’s analysis, “it’s about the complexities of having and raising your voice, using her story to illustrate those points, and more, along the way.”
Wow, what an insight for me.
Whoops, my bad for not rereading after shuffling phrases about.
I assumed the the journey of becoming a transexual would be what the book is about, so was surprised by Marion’s analysis, “it’s about the complexities of having and raising your voice, using her story to illustrate those points, and more, along the way.”
Wow, what an insight for me.
I appreciate how you very clearly summarize the arc of her story and how it reflects the more universal message. Very succinctly you summarize how this works and then point to the meticulous choice of details and stories that are to be included in order to do this. I look forward to reading it to see how she does this.
Marion, as the ‘baby’ writer that I am, one who is still so insecure about even allowing my writing to be read, the community feel that your knowledge creates has given me the courage to leave a comment. As grateful as I am for you Marion, I am as grateful for ‘Those,’ who have left comments because I get to learn from all of you.
There were many points that got tucked inside of my mind, the main point, is that before I start writing memoir, (and thanks to you I did not write, ‘My’ memoir) I must streamline my thoughts and remain focused on a specific timeline within my life. (Now, I’ll hope that my thoughts which created this post makes some sense)
Your sentence here proves how my memoir is not about me. I am just the vehicle.
“…it carries in it the enormous breadth of the topic of voice – the struggle to have one, finding its correct pitch, its responsibilities, its privileges, its frustrations and how to use it for good.”
In this time of chaos and division in our country, this powerful statement reminds and inspires me why I doing this shit in the first place…, to simply tell what happened and turn it to good, so that others can rise, come together and then we can hopefully change policy and save lives. Thanks for reminding me why I must never give up. There is greater good than my small story, and it’s starts with a big-ass voice!
xoxo
Hi Marion,
What I am trying to learn from you right now is to write shorter sentences. You do it so elegantly but I struggle with my long sentences.
Wow! I’ve been wanting to read this book! It’s interesting how the author used (in a good way) such a long time period in her life. This is an issue I’m having. Reading this lets me see that it’s ok to only tell the parts that pertain to the main story. Thank you Marion!!! You always teach me something!!!!
Your advice that memoir writing isn’t about me, I just illustrate the topic, made my brain light up just now when I read it. I’ve had dozens of people tell me I need to write a book about my life but every time I try it doesn’t work, it doesn’t have a “theme”. Now I get what I’m doing wrong.
One year is all I had to learn what I wanted to know. I was 82 years old. It was easy at first because I stayed with a friend I had met on a ship going to Antartica the year before. I visited her in Japan and she let me into her life. Then I went to Korea, took the train across Russia and stayed with strangers in thirty more countries.
I réalised I had now been on all seven continents and everyone I got to know showed me the humanity in their lives – that was what I wanted to know – and how they lived it is what I learned. My journey was not about me seeing the world but was about finding out who lived on it. Now I want to write about it.
You piqued my interest, I’ll read it.
This sounds like a great book. Thanks for all your tips and recommendations!