WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN you discover that you’re writing the wrong memoir? Well, if you are Louise Ross, you make the decision to write the right book. In this case, it was going from writing her own memoir to instead writing a collective one that includes the tales of the women she met in her ex-patriate journey. Ever had the feeling that what you are writing is not the right book? I think it happens to every writer at one time or another. If you’ve ever wanted to shelve one idea for another, please come along with Louise and find out how to make that decision. Here is a guest post from her featuring her newly-published book.
Shelving One Memoir Idea for Another
by Louise Ross
You’ve heard of the band Talking Heads, right? And maybe you know their song, “Once in Lifetime”? The first verse goes like this:
You may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
You may find yourself in another part of the world
You may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may ask yourself, “Well … how did I get here?”
That last line, “… how did I get here?” Do you sometimes ask yourself that? I do.
Because I’ve lived in four different countries since leaving Australia 35 years ago, I had the idea that writing my memoir would be a great way to answer that question. By way of formulating themes to explore, I wrote down a long list of questions to consider, including ‘how did I get here?’
I played around with assignments Marion, my memoir writing coach, had given me, and then at some point, I came back to her and said, “You know, I don’t think I have a book-length story to tell – maybe half a book, and then I’d have to make the rest up.”
So I shelved the personal memoir idea.
Five years ago, I moved to Portugal and joined the social organization International Women in Portugal (IWP) and soon after I started participating in an IWP weekly hike. On those walks, I was hearing captivating personal stories, the caliber of which caused me to take stock of just how exciting and stimulating it was to be mingling with a group of worldly, educated, well traveled and intrepid, multi-lingual women.
It occurred to me that writing a collection of memoirs would be far more interesting than writing my own. Also, I thought that by committing these stories to print this book would become an important addition to Portugal’s historical archives given that it would document the oral histories of a diverse sampling of women who, for a myriad of reasons, have found their way to this country from all corners of the globe at the end of the 20thand the beginning of the 21stcentury, and during a time of massive global changes. (Ironically, in the 15th century it was from this point that the great Portuguese seafarers set off in their caravel to discover the world, and now the world is discovering Portugal).
How I went about the project is simple. It started with an informal interview with a Swedish woman I met on the IWP weekly hike, followed by practice interviews with a couple more women I’d met. I recorded the interviews on my iPhone and when I transcribed them, I knew I had something, but in order to craft the content into something significant, I came back to the assignments Marion had given me, one of which was formulate themes to explore. After some thought, I decided to focus on these three questions:
- What compels someone to leave their country of origin?
- What happens to them on their journey to the new place?
- And what causes them to finally land somewhere and decide to stay, if not for the rest of their lives, then for an extended period?
Twenty-seven interviews later and three years into the project, I had about 450 pages, which I painstakingly edited down to 20 stories and 250 pages. What I noted when I edited and re-edited is that the women inadvertently answered the questions above while also revealing some additional topical themes particular to expatriates, such as the following:
- The experiences of Adult Third Culture Kids
- Feeling like an outsider in your own country
- Returning to one’s country of origin
- The question of where is home
- The trailing spouse experience
- Traveling as an outer expression of the inner journey or the Hero’s journey
I would not have thought to explore these themes when I began the project; simply, I did not have enough insight about the broader picture. It was my interviewees who informed me, introducing me to topics I wasn’t familiar with, such as ‘trailing spouse’, showing me that their stories were far richer and more complex than I had envisioned.
Since Women Who Walk launched in January 2019, it has been exciting to witness during readings, presentations and online discussions how the topical themes resonate for readers, both in the expatriate community in Portugal, and abroad, particularly in the U.S. where there is curiosity about Portugal, and interest in living abroad. This encouraged me to add book group discussion questions to an updated ‘Kindle Direct Publishing’ edition of Women Who Walk; readers seemed to need a vehicle to talk more about their own journeys or the journeys they hoped to embark upon.
I was in London just prior to International Women’s Day and I learned of WOW, Women of The World Festival. Its founder and director, an awe-inspiring creative by the name of Jude Kelly, former South Bank Center artistic director, had this to say:
“Women can do extraordinary things because they’re human. The difficulty is they’ve been made to feel that it’s an unusual thing, mainly because people have not called on them to be extraordinary and haven’t really wanted them to be extraordinary. But we are.”
She goes onto say, that we have a “mutual responsibility to value our own stories.”
Ultimately, I was motivated to realize this memoir project because of my personal conviction that the truth of women’s lives matter, and I’d like to think that by documenting the personal triumphs and disappointments, educational and professional achievements and failures, travels, adventures and discoveries, the decision to marry or not marry, the decision to have or not have children, Women Who Walk achieves Jude Kelly’s directive by valuing the female story.
Author bio: Louise Ross is Australian. She has lived in the UK, France and the United States. In 2014, she moved to Portugal. She lives on the Estoril coastline. See her on her website. Her new book is Women Who Walk, How 20 Women From 16 Countries Came to Live in Portugal.
HOW TO WIN A COPY OF THE BOOK
I hope you enjoy Writing Lessons. Featuring well-published writers of our favorite genre, each installment takes on one short topic addressing how to write memoir.
It’s my way of saying thanks for coming by.
Love the author featured above? Did you learn something? Then you’ve got to read the book. And you can. I am giving away one copy, and all you have to do to win is leave a comment below about something you learned from the writing lesson or the excerpt. I’ll draw winners at random (using the tool at random dot org) after entries close on April 30, 2019.
Good luck!
Cathy Park Kelly says
Thanks, loved this.
What I’ve learned from reading this article is that, as a writer, you need to look at your project with clear eyes, and be willing to drop it or change it radically, if that’s what it needs to be the strongest piece it can be.
Christine DArrigo says
Reading this unearthed memories of the richness of my former lives as an ex-pat in Italy and Spain, and drove home the point that we have to be open to change (in our argument or even our entire story) in writing memoir.
Louise Ross says
Hi Cathy,
You’re right! And sometimes ‘looking at your project with clear eyes’ means giving yourself time so that your ideas can evolve. And time gives us perspective and with perspective we see the bigger picture. As I say in the post, I had no idea of the bigger picture – until my interviewees inadvertently informed me! And yes, be willing to make changes in order to produce your best work.
Good luck,
Louise
Louise Ross says
Hi Christine,
I’m delighted to hear that this post triggered rich memories for you. And for sure ‘change’ is implicit in a life lived abroad, particularly within the expatriate community, which is always changing with people arriving and people leaving, reminding us that ‘change is a constant’ no matter our circumstances. I think this is a valuable adage to keep in mind when writing too, especially editing, as there’s always the possibility of another change to the narrative that might make the overall story just a bit better!
All the best,
Louise
Heather says
I’m just getting started on my journey of writing. Thank you for truly showing what it means to be fluid, to meet life and the stories that fill it where they exist. We can all only hope that we have the humility you demonstrate to realize a story is bigger than a beginning notion of our own being the end point. I grew up overseas, so themes you discovered are my lifelong companions; feeling foreign in my country (still), the slippery nature of belonging, the power of walking with women. I haven’t even read your book yet and my throat tightens in a powerful way, in anticipation of reading stories of people who I already feel know will feel like parts of me.
Louise Ross says
Hi Heather,
I love these lines: “… to meet life and the stories that fill it where they exist.” And “the slippery nature of belonging, the power of walking with women.”
A great place to start your writing journey is right there in the backstory of those very evocative sentences. Maybe an essay or a short story??
I hope you do read Women Who Walk as it sounds as though the stories the women share will resonate with you.
All the best,
Louise
Ellen says
I really enjoyed learning about the genesis of Louise’s book. It was encouraging learning how she formulated her current book and what that process was like.
All is not lost of your memoir doesn’t take shape.
Louise Ross says
Hi Ellen,
I think one of the most valuable things I’ve learned from Marion is this fun equation: “Memoir is about X, as illustrated by Y, to be told in a Z”.
In the case of Women Who Walk, the equation is as follows: Memoir is about X, or the 3 thematic questions I decided to explore, as illustrated by Y, the interviewees, to be told in a Z, me, the interviewer.
This wonderful tool gives the writer enormous room to move and shift direction, should an initial idea struggle to take shape.
Cheers,
Louise
Louise Ross says
Hi Margaret,
Do read my response to Ellen – and Marion’s marvellous equation for writing memoir; hopefully it will inspire you to take those notes and begin formulating one, two, maybe three themes or questions to explore, and then use those notes to illustrate (show don’t tell!) the themes. And just play around with it all and have fun, giving yourself permission to change direction should you feel the need.
Good luck,
Louise
Margaret Rolla says
I enjoyed this story, thank you. It resonated deeply because I have been rattling around for too long with a story, not moving ahead nor feeling totally convinced that I had enough interesting things to write it. There has always been the “other” lurking in the background that I have loads of notes on but never felt brave enough to expose. This story has validated and motivated me to change direction before mold sets in. 🙏🏻
Deborah Bayer says
I’m drawn to read this article because I’m beginning to question whether I’m writing the right book. I can see the right book pulling me in when I begin writing with joy and passion again.
Louise Ross says
Hi Deborah,
I think you’re onto something. When the writing process feels stilted, and we feel uncertain, there’s no ‘flow’, but when there’s excitement and joy and you can’t wait to turn up to the page, well, that would suggest you’re being pulled in a direction that’s worth exploring wholeheartedly!
Enjoy!
Louise
Jennifer Williams says
This was so interesting. I learned you can come up with more topics and ideas by simply delving more deeply into your theme. How stories can grow if you observe and listen.
Louise Ross says
Hi Jennifer,
Certainly this was my experience, because I was the interviewer. In Women Who Walk, I finish the introduction this way:
And finally, thinking about what I learned as the interviewer gathering the stories for this project, the following reflection from Barack Obama came to mind:
“I learned that if you listen hard enough, everybody’s got a sacred story, an organizing story of who they are and what their place in the world is. And they’re willing to share it with you if they feel as if you actually care about it. And that ends up being the glue around which relationships are formed, and trust is formed, and communities are formed. And ultimately that’s the glue around which democracies work.”
All the best,
Louise
David Sofi says
Spot on! I worked with Marion in a period not long ago where personal healing was needed. I was encouraged to write my life’s journey of remarkable twists and turns in a memoir. I stopped, ran out of gas, at 20,000 words and realized I had but half a book. Then, in a writer’s group I recently joined here in South Carolina, I turned out to be the only nonfiction writer taking part for a while. I started writing short, 1000 word stories of my experiences as a first responder, paramedic. And it’s now growing into the right memoir for the time. Ms. Ross’ guest post appeared at the very time I needed to read it. Thank you, Ms. Ross, and thank you Marion.
Louise Ross says
Good on you, David, this sounds very exciting! Sometimes taking a break and stepping away from a project gives us the perspective we need to ‘find the gas’ to return to the page and keep at it.
I used to have a Goethe quote about my writing desk – you probably know it well:
“In the realm of ideas everything depends on enthusiasm… in the real world all rests on perseverance.”
Good luck,
Louise
David Sofi says
Thank you so much Ms. Ross. I couldn’t believe it when I saw you replying to each comment. You are inspiring.
Louise Ross says
It’s all part of the writing life, David, responding to readers, writing lengthy emails, journaling, I do it all, because I like to write :)
Cecile says
Oh my, where to start? What I learned from this post: that I’m not the only one who feels like an outsider in my own country; that the TCK phenomenon can have ripple effects beyond the immediate generation; that a book on expat women everywhere (not just Portugal) needs to be written; that my own current memoir project could/should explore the question of landing/staying.
And I’ve learned that I must read Louise Ross’ book!
p.s. I’m a Canadian expat living in Turkey
Louise Ross says
Oh boy, Cecile, it sounds like you probably have some great stories to share! Please write that book on “landing / staying!” It is a huge topic in the expat community.
In the presentations I give, I often make the following comment:
On page 145, Penny Imrie says, “If we internationals were to go back to the countries where we’re from …” And then she pauses for a moment, and continues with “actually, I don’t believe in going back.”
I go onto say that the ‘return’ is a complicated topic that shows up in many of the women’s stories.
One piece of feedback I received from many readers is that even though the women found their way to Portugal, it is the universal themes (bulleted in the post above) that expatriate women everywhere resonate with.
In other words, what I learned from readers is that it is not the destination that matters, but the topical issues that arise on the women’s journey from one country to the next.
Good luck with your project!
Louise
Kathy says
The lesson in this excerpt for me was also a sign, one that I’ ve been pondering and now had confirmed: my memoir/book ideas don’t have to be all about me. My experience will lead me to seek out others who have done something similar and in telling their stories, along with mine, the book will be that much richer.
Like meeting a number of interesting people at a cocktail party vs getting stuck I. A corner with just one.
Louise Ross says
Absolutely, Kathy! You got it! Writing memoir is not all about ‘me’ – that’s the beauty and freedom of writing memoir versus writing an autobiography.
Just as Marion says:
“Memoir is writing from one aspect of your life at a time, whereas autobiography is writing your life story.” Memoir is about X, as illustrated by Y, to be told in a Z.”
All the best,
Louise
Jess McBride says
What a wonderful article. As a millennial whose contemporaries believe their lives are so riveting they must be documented moment-by-moment on social media, it’s refreshing (and liberating!) to hear someone question whether her life story really requires a full-length book. Abandoning the idea that she needed to write exclusively about herself allowed the author to clear a path for what sounds like a fascinating and impactful collection of stories grouped around some really compelling themes. I’ll be first in line to buy the book!
Louise Ross says
LOL, Jess!! Thanks for that funny and honest reflection on your contemporaries!
It was incredibly liberating to let go of the idea of writing my own memoir, and instead document the stories of 19 other women. I say 19, because the 20th story in the book is mine. And without a doubt, it was a joy to condense my story into 3000 words versus stretching it out over 200 or so pages :)
Cheers,
Louise
patti brehler says
Reading this affirms my belief that women’s voices do need to be heard. Including mine, as I begin a 4th edit to my book (part memoir, part travelogue, part warrior’s path). Thank you Louise Ross for hearing other women!
Louise Ross says
Hi Patti,
Yes indeed, women have more opportunity to speak up and out now, to be seen and to be heard, and to take up more space in the civic discourse.
When I was a kid, my mum always seemed to be reading biographies and autobiographies of women who’d lead adventurous lives. I think she found something of her lost voice and unlived life in those stories.
I feel a responsibility to her and her mother, and her mother’s mother to ensure that the voices of ordinary women with extraordinary stories are heard – I think this is one of the reasons I was so committed to writing Women Who Walk.
Good luck Patti, do that 4th edit and share your story!
Louise
Vicki says
Thanks for this. It brought home the point that we have to really get in tune with what the book needs to be, not necessarily what you think it needs to be in the beginning.
Louise Ross says
Hi Vicki,
Without a doubt an initial idea evolves over time. When I first consulted with Marion in 2013, I had a kernel of an idea. That idea didn’t stand the test of time, but my motivation to write a memoir did. So I let that kernel sprout shoots and I explored each new off-shoot till I had something that I felt excited about. That process took almost 2 years. And then it took another 3 years to write the book!
And a lot happens over the course of 5 years, all of which informs and helps evolve our creative idea(s).
Cheers,
Louise
Joy Knudsen says
This is a kind of book I have also wanted to write, but learning that it already has been written makes me think whether I really have anything new to contribute.
Louise Ross says
Hi Joy,
Just recently I found an online bookshop that lists fiction and non-fiction books with the expatriate, global nomad, and traveler in mind. I had no idea there were so many fiction and non-fiction titles out there for this particular market. If I’d known that before I started my book I might have abandoned the whole project. But even now when I go back to that site and scroll through the books, I don’t see anything that’s a carbon copy of my book. Nor will there be a carbon copy of the book you’re considering writing because you will have your own unique take on the subject matter that you’re wanting to explore. Don’t give up before you’ve started!
Good luck,
Louise
Sheryl says
Think about how many books cover the same topics – romance, history, cleaning, cooking, etc. Many books explore the exact same event or person or subject, yet speak with a different voice, ask a different question, reveal a different truth, or illustrated in a different manner. That is why we have genres of books – because so many cover similar topics. And, that is why there are so many memoirs. Each book is as unique as the person who wrote it in that time and that place – and there is always someone who wants to read another one. Even Louise Ross said she had to cut out 7 interviews and about half her words to fit into the constraints of her book. That means there are 7 stories and many interesting tidbits left untold – all waiting for a sequel book revealing new insights. Yet, those 27 people’s lives are not the only ones to be told. The people you want to interview hold entirely new secrets to reveal as told by you with your unique insight.
Louise Ross says
Exactly Sheryl!
So many women approached me after the release of the book saying, ‘I’ve got a great story to tell, I wish you’d interviewed me’.
In fact one of those women posted a 5-word review on Amazon saying: “Will there be a sequel?”
My response: Hi J, knowing something of your life story, I’m thinking you’d be a great interviewee for a sequel! But someone else will need to write it as I’m already working on another book, which is the stories of 20 men who took the road less traveled to Portugal…”
All the best!
Louise
Bobbie Ann Cole says
There is an old song sung by Neil Diamond – despite his idyllic life in LA, he keeps ‘thinking about making my way back’ to his birth city of New York. The song is called ‘I am, I said’. This article takes me back to that song which I listened to at a time when I loved living in Paris but missed my UK home, friends and family. The question of ‘where is home?’ raised in this absorbing article is one that affects many expats like myself. Another is ‘what is home?’ – which would make an interesting study.
Louise Ross says
Hi Bobbie Ann,
Music has a way of transporting us, doesn’t it! We can be armchair travelers via literature, music, film and documentary. So why do we ever leave home – our state / county or our country of origin? We do so for many reasons, and in Women Who Walk, the interviewees explore some of the reasons in the telling of their stories.
There was meme posted on facebook a few weeks back and I copy and pasted it to my desktop. It’s something I now periodically quote in my presentations:
“Home is not a place, it’s a feeling.”
This line is lifted from a passage from a photographic book by Serbian, Nikola Kostic, I believe. He starts this 4 paragraph passage with: “Everybody’s ultimate dream is to travel more. But when you – as I do – get to live that dream, you understand that your own peace of mind is your only home.”
I find his perspective comforting.
All the best,
Louise
Bobbie Ann Cole says
Totally agree that home is a feeling rather than a place. Nevertheless, a wanderer is a wanderer, aren’t they?
Louise Ross says
Hi Bobbie Ann,
There’s fascinating research that I quote in my presentations about the ‘wunderlust gene’ or the ‘restless gene’ – audiences from the international community love this, as just about everyone thinks they have it!
If you’re curious, google: ‘National Geographic Restless Gene’, and a NG an article from 2013 will come up that talks in depth about the genetic research linked to increased levels of curiosity and restlessness, but specifically a passion for travel.
All the best,
Louise
Bobbie Ann Cole says
Will do, Louise. I don’t think it’s a new thing. What about the people who joined the crusades? Earlier still, Romans who for reasons of trade-or perhaps taste-lived in different parts of Europe. Perhaps we are all hunter-gatherers at heart.
Elaine Harvey says
This article hit home. I admire Ms. Ross’s insight and courage to change direction halfway through her manuscript as I challenge myself / struggle to complete my second travel memoir. I have a good balance of the inner journey (me) and outer travels in both books but my intuition tells me that my next book needs to be about others. Brave women following unusual paths. I’ve recently returned from India where I met an inspiring young woman working for the empowerment of rural women. I’m going to write a chapter about her and weave it into my present book. Really look forward to reading Women Who Walk. Thanks, Marion for this post!
Louise Ross says
Hi Elaine,
I love that idea: “Brave women following unusual paths” – so rich with potential!
It sounds as though this will go into your current memoir, but I wonder if it has traction for the third memoir you’re already contemplating.
Good luck,
Louise
Louise Ross says
Hi Patti,
Yes indeed, women have more opportunity to speak up and out now, to be seen and to be heard, and to take up more space in the civic discourse.
When I was a kid, my mum always seemed to be reading biographies and autobiographies of women who’d lead adventurous lives. I think she found something of her lost voice and unlived life in those stories.
I feel a responsibility to her and her mother, and her mother’s mother to ensure that the voices of ordinary women with extraordinary stories are heard – I think this is one of the reasons I was so committed to writing Women Who Walk.
Good luck Patti, do that 4th edit and share your story!
Louise
Jean says
What a delightful post! It’s great the author opened herself up to the possibility of redirecting her writing. Thank you.
Louise Ross says
Hi Jean,
Fortunately (or unfortunately) I have a healthy inner-critic that has no problem alerting me when my writing is “not working” or when I have an idea that really won’t go the distance. And I have no problem revisioning a project if it’s warranted. This is in part due to my desire to grow and evolve as a writer. But I don’t think I could ‘open myself up to redirecting my writing’ if I wasn’t adaptable and curious.
Stay curious!
Louise
Keiko says
This has nothing to do with anything, but the correct term is “expatriate”: a person who lives outside their native country. It has nothing to do with their level of patriotism. –signed, an expatriate.
marion says
Oh my goodness, you are so right and spellcheck changed it to the incorrect usage. Thank you. I’ve changed it back. Good eye, Keiko, and thanks.
iliana genkova says
Hi Louise,
Well done on dropping yours and writing the stories of others!
I’d love to read your book and the tales of these 20 globe trotting women. I don’t know how it was for you, but throughout my years of expatriation I found that answering the questions you pose to be secondary to the wonderful people I met along the way and the role they played into who I am today. They expanded my world immensely. Your decision to write a book about these people is beautiful! Cheers!
Louise Ross says
Hi Iliana,
I tend to be one of those people who asks others personal questions such as where they’re from and how they ended up ‘here.’ It may be because I grew up in a tiny rural town in Australia and so when I left Australia in my early 20s and began encountering people from all over the world, I was so curious to know more about them. That curiosity has never waned and now mixing in an International community in Portugal, I’m still curious to know where someone is from and how they wound up here. And you know, people love to talk about themselves, and it just so happens that I’m a good listener so I’m in the perfect position to learn from others by staying curious and open. And just have you have done, I’ve met some extraordinary and fascinating people along the way!
Cheers,
Louise
Patricia Geist-Martin says
This was a perfect post to read at this moment that I am conceptualizing the writing my sixth book. I’ve always known from my teaching that writing is a form of inquiry. But this post brings that insight home in a big way. I think the other big lesson in this post is to allow yourself the freedom to follow the insight. I think to often we are like a dog with a bone, not willing to give up and keep moving forward on something that isn’t working.
And, the other big lesson: subscribe to this online forum!
Louise Ross says
Hi Patricia,
Staying flexible to change and the evolution of an idea is key! I can’t imagine how stuck I might have found myself in the writing process if I’d doggedly hung onto my original idea and tried to move it forward. Simply, I changed personally and the circumstances of my life changed such that my original idea no longer held interest for me. That said, I took the work I’d done with Marion, and over the next year, I applied those tools to a new idea that came to me, and eventually, I found myself on track feeling really excited about the project that became Women Who Walk.
All the best,
Louise
Becky Spies says
I am passionate about Portugal and walking because my husband and I plan to go to Portugal next year to walk the Camino de Santiago. Also, I have wondered if I really have a book length memoir inside me, but I definitely need to write. It’s nice to know that a shift in projects can be the ticket!!
Louise Ross says
Hi Becky,
Perhaps walking the camino will inspire you! Take a journal and jot down notes at the end of the day (hopefully you’ll still have the energy!) and who knows what might come to you, such as material for a memoir inspired by the daily ritual of walking a spiritual path – which is what the camino is all about.
Good luck!
Louise
Becky Spies says
Hi Louise,
Yes! We walked the Camino de Santiago in Spain last year (Camino Frances, the most popular route), and I journaled along the way. I think about that pilgrimage every single day. It has changed me in so many ways: my thoughts, my gratitude, my priorities, my plans for the future, my source of joy (Jesus!). My pilgrimage in Portugal will be a sweet continuation of the work that has already begun in me.
Louise Ross says
Lovely Becky! May your Portugal pilgrimage be equally as enriching and spiritually nourishing as your journey on the Camino in Spain.
All the best,
Louise
Linda Lee/@LadyQuixote says
I really want to read this book. I was born and raised in the United States, but spent some time living in England in my twenties. Although it wasn’t as exotic as Portugal, it was still a great experience. There’s something wonderful about living in a foreign culture, where every aspect of daily living is different from what you are used to. I never felt so awake and aware as I was during my time in Great Britain, because I couldn’t just get by on autopilot for anything, not even grocery shopping.
I, too, am changing my focus as I write my memoir. Originally, I thought my story was about trauma and PTSD. Now, the focus is on learning, growing, and healing from trauma. It’s a welcome change!
Louise Ross says
Hi Linda Lee,
I think you’d love this book; all the women interviewed left their country of origin in their 20’s, like you, or left during their childhood with their families to live abroad. And all talk about that positive aspects of living in another culture, the way it broadens your horizons and causes you to feel very much awake and aware of the simply things, like grocery shopping!
And it sounds like the shift you’ve made with your writing is also going to be a positive one, for you and readers: the path of healing from trauma.
Al the best to you and good luck!
Louise
Jenny B says
Wow so inspiring with a common theme so many relate to “fish out of water”. I could so relate to the short list regarding adult children, feeling like a stranger in your own country. Twelve years ago my husband’s job moved our family of 6 from a tony Southern California beach community to a modest Midwest town, and believe me when I say it equates to moving abroad. And my husband is French, so I keenly understand what being in a foreign country is. My memoir is an attempt to illustrate the search for reconciling the numerous losses and hidden blessings the move produced, how it shaped my understanding of “a good enough mother” and the struggle to know “what truly is home”. Thank you Marion and Ms. Ross, women truly “get” each other on so many levels, writing just one of the many platforms of the sisterhood.
Louise Ross says
Hi Jenny,
I hear you: feeling like a stranger in one’s own country can happen just by virtue of moving cities; and then moving states, well, that can feel like moving to a new country! And yes, the losses inherent in moving can be numerous, and the gains … just as numerous.
And when we move, not just once, but several times, the issue of ‘where is home’ looms large, particularly with each new move. You know, i have a meme on sticky note on my desktop which I love to ruminate over when I’m feeling a bit ‘lost’. It goes like this: “Home is not a place, it’s a feeling.”
Good luck with your memoir and all the best,
Louise